


Forget Me Not

by Eden_Ashley_Chr



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2020-11-25 19:47:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20917577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eden_Ashley_Chr/pseuds/Eden_Ashley_Chr
Summary: This is set in May 2019, so Frank is still alive, and Vanity are still living at the pub.Vanessa is involved in an accident at work which causes short term memory loss. The last date she can remember? September 2017. Meaning that she has no recollection of her relationship with Charity.It's not overly angsty.





	1. Chapter 1

I own nothing

Charity is stood behind the bar, staring into space. Luckily Chas is also working right now as she is being anything but useful. She glances at her watch, again. Vanessa is now almost an hour late home. Charity still finds it hard to believe that she’s turned into some clock watching worried spouse, fretting because her fiancée is a few minutes later home than she, said she’d be. But since the stabbing, that’s exactly what she is.

It took a long time in the immediate aftermath for Charity to let Vanessa out of her sight, and she knows Vanessa hated it. She was smothering her, but Charity didn’t care, because she could take Vanessa being annoyed with her. What she couldn’t handle was the icy fear that gripped her when the petite blond wasn’t in her eyeline. A fear that’s rearing its ugly head again right now.

Obviously as the weeks and months have passed since the stabbing, Charity’s fear has subsided. Vanessa has carried on being her usual independent self, and Charity’s ability to breathe when she couldn’t see her fiancée returned. Vanessa going back to work following her suspension was another milestone that was difficult for Charity to swallow, because she knows that occasionally Vanessa’s job can be dangerous, and that’s all she can think about right now.

Vanessa had gotten a call about some horse or other up at Veronica’s stud farm, she hasn’t been on call that much since she went back full time, but with Rhona recently being out of action she’s had to step up. Charity had moaned as Vanessa was leaving earlier, asking why Paddy couldn’t go, but Vanessa had rolled her eyes given her a chaste peck on the lips. She assured her she wouldn’t be long. No more than an hour tops, she gleefully announced as she was sauntering out of the pub. Almost two hours ago now, Charity checks her watch again, and lets out an almighty sigh.

Chas hears it, she knows why her cousin is in such a state, and she can certainly understand it. Especially after what they went through with Lachlan’s dad Donny. She slides over to Charity and places an arm around her, this snaps Charity out of the daze she’s been in. She looks at Chas, who’s giving her what she assumes is supposed to be a comforting grin.

“Maybe she’s having a brew with the farm owner?”

Charity has to stifle a full-blown laugh. “You’ve never met Veronica, have you?”

Charity shakes the laughter out of her head, it’s quickly replaced by fear again. “No, she definitely wouldn’t be having a brew with her. Plus, she would have text or called to let me know.”

“Maybe her phones died.” Chas offers.

Charity nods, it’s a possibility. “Maybe. But that doesn’t explain why she’s over an hour later that she said she’d be.”

“Have you tried calling her?” Charity isn’t sure if Chas is being intentionally dense. Of course, she’s tried to call her. Chas hold her hands up in mock surrender.

Charity can’t settle, she knows she won’t be able to until she sees her tiny blonde rocket woman again. “Maybe I should go over to the farm.”

Chas can tell nothing she says is going to help calm her cousin. “Well rather than driving all the way out there, why don’t we get Paddy to give this Veronica a call?”

Paddy choses this precise moment to walk out into the bar. Chas smiles. “Speak of the devil.”

Charity takes in his appearance, he’s flustered. He practically ran into the bar from the back room, and he’s dithering right now like he always does when he isn’t sure of the exact words to use in his sentence.

“What is it Paddy?”

The male vets head snaps up, and Charity sees the worry that she’s sure is in her own eyes mirrored in his. But he still doesn’t offer any words. He doesn’t have to, to be fair. Charity’s heart sinks. “It’s Vanessa isn’t it?”

Chas is surprised at the resigned tone in her cousin’s voice, they both fix Paddy with a stare, hoping to god he offers some sort of explanation and fast.

Paddy nods, and it’s like the oxygen in the room just got a little less for Charity. He finally starts to speak. “The horse that she went out to see got a bit spooked mid examination.”

“And?” Charity tries to cajole him into getting all of the facts out.

“It kicked out,” Charity gasps, and Paddy continues. “Vanessa got hit in the head, and then potentially hit her head again on the ground when she fell.”

Charity has already started to pull her jacket on. Paddy grabs his keys. “She’s at Hotten General, come on I’ll drive.”

“Will you watch the boys please?” Charity’s words are aimed at Chas.

“Of course.” She nods straight away. “I’ll get Sammy and Lydia to come and sit with them and I’ll be straight down to the hospital myself.”

With that Charity and Paddy are gone, Chas hears Charity mumble a threat at her husband to be as they run out of the door; to be expected. She prays Vanessa’s alright. Charity’s had too much rubbish in her life the last few years. They all have.

XXXXXXXXXX

Charity runs at the nurse’s station on the ward that she and Paddy have been directed too. Frank and Tracy are on their way. She called them from the car on the way in, but she and Paddy are clearly the first to arrive. 

“I’m looking for my fiancée.” She practically screams at the nurse sitting at the desk, luckily the nurse doesn’t appear to be shocked by her raised voice.

“What’s his name?”

Charity doesn’t have time to be offended, her heart feels like it’s stopped beating. “Vanessa Woodfield.”

To be fair to her, the nurse has the good grace to grimace. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to assume.”

Charity shakes her head; she isn’t remotely bothered. “It doesn’t matter, is she here or not?”

The nurse checks her computer. “Your name?”

“Charity Dingle.” Through gritted teeth.

The nurse checks the name against her screen and seems satisfied. “She’s here. She’s with the doctor being assessed. She was unconscious for a good few minutes.”

“But she’s alright?” Charity feels the vice around her heart unclench a little.

“As far as I can see from the notes, she’s conscious, but a little confused. She’s had a brain scan, and the doctor is running a few tests, I’m sure when he’s got an update, he’ll be out to share it with you.”

The nurse nods towards the waiting area, and Charity and Paddy both take the hint, and skulk towards the empty chairs. Charity has relaxed a little at hearing the news that Vanessa is awake.

XXXXXXXXXX

The doctor has just finished shining a light in Vanessa’s eyes. She hates hospitals, and wants nothing more than to get out of here.

“The scan showed some swelling to your brain, it’s not too significant, otherwise we’d have to put you in an induced coma. But it is concerning.”

Vanessa nods, maybe this is more serious than she thought.

“I’m in no doubt that you’ve got a hefty concussion, but I just want to go through a few questions with you, and I’ll have you reunited with your fiancée and the rest of your family in no time.”

Vanessa eyes go like stalks. “Get me reunited with who?”

The doctor looks even more worried than he did before, he narrows his eyes, completely ignoring Vanessa’s question.

“I was worried something like this might happen.” He mumbles, before diving straight into his questions. Vanessa is slightly worried that he has the wrong patient, which is why she’s glad she gets the chance to clarify who she is with his first question.

“What is your full name?”

“Vanessa Elizabeth Woodfield.”

The doctor nods, which makes her slightly uneasy. Clearly, he does have the correct patient. He continues. “Date of birth?”

“7th March 1967”

“Which makes you how old right now?”

This is the first one that Vanessa really has to think about, she’s a little surprised to find that she isn’t 100% sure. Her head starts to hurt a little. “41, I think.”

The doctor doesn’t offer any big reaction, but Vanessa catches the slight raise of his eyebrow. Clearly that was not the answer he was looking for.

He licks his lips before he speaks again, he appears to be mulling over exactly which question to pose next. “Have you got any idea, what day it is, the date, the month or the year, anything?”

Again, Vanessa isn’t exactly sure, but she has been kicked in the head by a horse, she feels like she should be getting a bit more slack from this fella. “You got me doc. I’m not sure what day it is exactly. But I am sure that it’s September 2017.”

She finishes with a smile, proud of herself. Her face starts to fall again as she takes in his expression. “How far out am I?”

The doctor clearly does some mathematics in his head. “Around 20 months.”

Vanessa can’t hide her shock. The doctor fills her in further. “Its May 2019.”

She automatically thinks of Johnny. 20 months with her son lost, he was just turned two as far as her memory is concerned, but from what this doctor is telling her, he’ll be not too far off his 4th birthday now. 

“The swelling on your brain is probably causing the memory loss. The good news is your memories should start to come back as the swelling reduces.”

“Should?” Vanessa can hear the panic in her own voice.

The doctor tries to reassure her as best as he can. “It is almost certainly temporary, it’s usually only in the most severe cases that there any long-term issues. But you will need to immerse yourself back into your life, and attempt to jog your memory as much as possible, looking at photo’s, talking to people who have been in your life about the last 20 months. But initially you just need to rest, worry about all the other stuff in a week or two.”

“I’ve just been robbed of nearly two years, and you want me to relax?” Vanessa looks at him like he’s barmy.

“Vanessa trust me, you don’t want to put much more strain on your brain right now, or it could affect how quickly you recover.”

She nods, not happy about it, but she can understand his reasoning. She suddenly remembers something that the doctor said before, the bit of information that prompted this whole Q & A. “You said before that I have a fiancée?”

The doctor nods. “I wasn’t even in a relationship as far as I can remember.”

“Look I’ll leave your family to fill you in a bit, but don’t over stretch yourself. Your dad and your sister are both here. I assume you remember them?” The doctor gives her a shy smile.

“Yeah, just about.” She smirks back at him.

“I’ll provide them with an update, and then send them in.”

Vanessa nods, all she can think about is seeing Johnny again, and trying to figure out who on earth her fiancée could be. She can feel her already banging headache getting worse.

XXXXXXXXXX

All heads whip up in the waiting room as a male doctor approaches. Charity, Frank, Tracy, Paddy, Chas and Rhona, all watch in interest as he strides over.

“Vanessa Woodfield’s family and friends?”

Frank jumps up. “Yes, I’m her father Frank.” He gestures towards Tracy. “Her sister Tracy.” Finally, at Charity. “And her fiancée Charity.”

The doctors glance remains on Charity for a little longer, perhaps Vanessa’s fiancée is going to be more of a shock to her than originally thought. He obviously knows from her file that she has a fairly young son, conceived naturally, so clearly hasn’t exclusively dated women in the past.

Charity can’t take the silence any longer. “Is she alright or what?”

This snaps the doctor from his musings. “She has some swelling on the brain, a severe concussion, and a banging headache.”

“But she’s going to be alright?” Charity pleads hopefully.

“There’s no easy way to say this, but she appears to be suffering from some short-term memory loss.”

Frank pipes in again at this point. “What exactly do you mean?”

“She appears to have lost around the last 20 months of memories.” The doctor takes in the shocked expressions. “She thought it was September 2017 when she woke up.”

Charity slides back down into her seat, her heart is following a similar motion in her chest. She speaks but its barely a whisper. “She has no idea that she loves me, or that we’ve even kissed.” Charity is more than aware that her and Vanessa’s first kiss in the cellar at the Woolpack was in October 2017.

The doctor nods unhappily. “It’s almost always temporary, and the likelihood is that once the swelling on her brain goes down, the memories will start to come back.”

Charity chokes on his words, she knows he can’t say anything with certainty, but she hates his terminology, ‘almost always’, ‘likelihood’. She knows that the worst case scenario is that she could have lost her fiancée forever.

The doctor continues. “Look, you’ve just got to be patient okay. She’s going to need the help of everyone here to remember the last couple of years.”

Everyone just nods, in shock. Charity can feel tears streaming down her face. Chas reaches over and grabs her hand, and Rhona grabs the other. Charity tries her best to smile, but neither of them can begin to imagine what Charity is going through. It isn’t exactly going to be easy to convince Vanessa that she and Charity are as loved up as they are in May 2019, given how Vanessa felt about Charity in September 2017.

The doctor turns to Frank and Tracy. “I let slip that she has a fiancée, but as far as she knows she isn’t even in a relationship, so she’s a little shocked. But I said I’d send the two of you in. She remembers you, so it won’t be too traumatic for her.”

He turns back to Charity. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go in as a stranger, and announce that you’re her fiancée.”

Charity laughs through her tears. “Oh, I won’t be a stranger, we knew each other back then, but she hated my guts.”

The doctor nods understanding a little better the level of upset in the attractive blond. “I don’t think you should stay away indefinitely, but I think that Frank and Tracy should break the news of exactly what you are to Vanessa in 2019, and then you should be carefully reintroduced.”

Charity just nods not really taking in what he’s saying. “You are going to be key to her getting her memories back, I assume you know more than anyone else what she’s been up to for the last couple of years.”

Charity nods with a slight smile, a smile about how entwined their lives have become, and the fact that Vanessa still needs her, whether she likes it or not. And let’s face it, she won’t like it. But it gives Charity some hope to cling onto, that she won’t just be discarded.

XXXXXXXXXX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think
> 
> Twitter - Eden_Ashley_Chr


	2. Chapter 2

I own nothing

Frank and Tracy sheepishly make their way into Vanessa’s private room. Vanessa had been playing with the gorgeous engagement ring on her left hand. It seems whoever her mystery man is, he clearly has good taste and knows her well. She lifts her head and smiles when she sees her family.

They both plonk themselves down in the guest chairs by her bed. “How are you feeling Teeny?” Frank breaks the obvious tension.

She lets out an almighty sigh. “Well my heads killing me, they’ve told me they’re keeping me in overnight at least. Oh, yeah, and I appear to have lost almost two years’ worth of memories. So not great.”

Frank grimaces. Vanessa immediately focuses on her main concern. “Where’s Johnny. Is he okay? I can’t believe when I see him, he’ll be almost twice the age of when I last remember him.”

Tracy takes pity on her dad. “He’s at home, he’s fine, and I’m sure you’ll be able to see him tomorrow.”

“Well who’s looking after him if you two are here?”

“Never mind that, he’s safe.”

Vanessa stares at her dad, he’s clearly leaving the kid gloves on for her, and she can do without it. “Aw it must be my fabulous new fiancée.”

Frank and Tracy both start to panic. Vanessa either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care. “So, come on then who is my mystery man?”

Frank and Tracy look at each other, not really sure what to say or how to approach this.

“Come on Dad, Trace. It can’t be that bad? Can it? Is it someone I know?”

Tracy nods. “Yep, you definitely know them.”

“So, what’s the big deal then?” It’s clearly going to be a surprise, maybe an old friend or acquaintance that she started to develop stronger feelings for. She starts to panic slightly that it might be Paddy. Before she has a chance to dwell on that horrible thought too much, Tracy starts to speak again.

“It’s just that you and this person, weren’t really on fantastic terms back in September 2017 Vee.”

Frank butts in. “I would go as far to say that you hated them.”

Now Vanessa is really confused. “You’re going to have to help me out here guys. I don’t remember really hating anyone.”

Frank frowns again. “Maybe we should leave you to rest tonight and save the big announcements for tomorrow.”

Vanessa is exasperated. “Dad, for god’s sake, whoever it is can’t be that bad, just tell me.”

Frank swallows hard. “You’re sure?”

Vanessa nods. Frank looks at his feet and prepares himself for a mini explosion from his oldest daughter. “It’s Charity Dingle.”

Vanessa bursts out laughing immediately, he can’t be serious. Charity Dingle, the woman who slept with her dad and then scammed him. As if. She can’t catch her breath. “Dad, I’m not sure how I feel about you using this situation for your own amusement.”

She dabs the few tears that have started to roll down her face as a result of her laughing far too much. She finally looks up at her dad, expecting him to tell her who her real fiancée is. Her heart sinks, she sees Frank and Tracy exchange worried glances.

She catches on pretty quickly, that her dad isn’t joking. She looks down at the perfect ring again. Charity Dingle gave her this? Her head starts to throb, but she absolutely can’t leave it there. The can of worms has been well and truly opened now.

“You’re being serious?”

Frank and Tracy both nod. “Charity Dingle? I’m not even gay. And even if I was. Charity Dingle?”

No one has a chance to say anything before Vanessa is off again. Her focus firmly on her dad this time. “Surely you can’t be happy about this?”

Frank knows he needs some form of damage control. “Hey, I know it doesn’t seem like it to you, but what happened between me and Charity was a long time ago. The two of you are in a devoted, loving relationship, and as much as it took all of us by surprise at the time, she makes you the happiest you have ever been, and because of that, she firmly has my blessing.”

Vanessa looks at Tracy, as if to say, is he insane. But Tracy just nods. “And mine. Charity Dingle is the best thing that ever happened to you and Johnny, and I can’t imagine how weird that must be to hear, after losing the last 20 months’ worth of memories. But it’s true. The sooner you remember the better.”

Vanessa doesn’t speak, what can she say to that. She sinks back into her pillows, maybe everyone is right, she needs to rest. Maybe if she goes to sleep, she’ll eventually wake up from this nightmare / parallel universe that she finds herself stuck in currently.

XXXXXXXXXX

Charity hadn’t gotten to seen Vanessa last night, on doctors’ orders. It near on killed her, but the last thing she wants to do is makes things any worse, so she and Chas had gone back to Woolpack, and she’s had the worst night’s sleep ever.

However, the doctor has now decided that since Frank and Tracy filled Vanessa in on just who Charity is to her in the year 2019, she’s now permitted to see her. Rhona had brought Johnny to the hospital earlier and apparently Vanessa had burst into tears at the sight of the size of him.

Charity can’t image what kind of reaction she’s going to get. Vanessa knows she’s coming, and everyone else has the good sense to stay away, so she’s got Vanessa to herself. She’s bricking it.

She gently pushes into Vanessa’s hospital room, and sighs in relief when she sees that Vanessa looks okay at least. She doesn’t look like someone who’s just been smashed on the head by a horse. Charity can’t help but glance down to the vets left hand, and her heart nearly explodes when she sees that Vanessa is still wearing her ring.

Vanessa watches Charity as she enters the room. She looks shattered. But more than that she looks absolutely terrified. Which Vanessa can kind of understand if everything her Dad and Tracy told her last night is true. She watches as Charity’s gaze drops to her engagement ring, and a small smile ghosts over the Land Lady’s lips. This is not a side of Charity she’s ever seen before, that she can remember of course, but just that one simple action makes Vanessa believe that Charity could genuinely be in love with her. 

She decides to try and break the tension a little. “My dad and Tracy insist were head over heels in love, so I thought I’d keep it on.”

Charity lifts her gaze from the ring up to those stunning blue eyes, that she’s missed impossibly, even though it’s been less than 24 hours since she last saw them. She shakes her head; she needs to focus. She moves forward and takes a seat in the guest chair closest to Vanessa. She almost reaches out to take her wife to be’s hand, but thinks better of it. Baby steps and all that.

“We are.” When Vanessa gives her a questioning look, she explains further. “In love.”

Vanessa nods. She chuckles as she remembers a friend’s episode with similar circumstances, and for some reason thinks it will be a good idea to verbalise her thoughts. “I never thought I’d ever be in a relationship, were my other half could legitimately say, ‘that’s not how your dad used to do it.’”

It was an attempt at humour, and she can immediately see it was a bad one. Charity bows her head instantly, and frantically fights to keep the tears she can feel forming at bay. Vanessa feels awful. But she isn’t sure how to make it right, as much as she’s sure she does, somewhere in the depths of her subconscious. Out here in the cold light of day, she doesn’t know Charity at all. That’s clear, the version Charity she knows, would never have gotten upset at that joke, she probably would have just insulted Vanessa in response.

“I’m sorry. That was an awful attempt at humour. I’m just nervous.”

Charity nods, she hates that Vanessa is nervous around her. “Don’t worry about it, it must have been a shock finding out about yours truly.”

Vanessa smirks. “I’ll say. Sounds like what we have is pretty amazing.”

“It’s the best.” Charity agrees sincerely.

“Worth fighting for then?” 

“Absolutely.” Charity smiles, and genuinely means it.

Vanessa is pleased she’s managed to pull it around after the horrendous start. She starts to study Charity’s face. She really is a beautiful woman.

Charity decides to keep things light. “So, what shocked you most? The fact that you’re engaged to a woman, or the fact that the woman is me?” 

Vanessa takes in the sheepish grin on her lover’s face, she supposes that’s what she is, even if she can’t remember. She imagines for a spilt second what Charity is like as a lover, and she feels her cheeks starting to burn immediately. Charity watches in confusion. Vanessa focuses on the question in hand. “You want the honest answer?”

“It’s what I’m used to from you.”

Vanessa finds it incredibly strange the familiarity with which Charity addresses her. “Definitely that it was you. No offence, but me having feelings for a woman, wasn’t that much of a shock.”

Charity nods and Vanessa continues. “But falling in love with you, that I was not expecting.”

Charity giggles. “Join the club.”

“So, do you want to start filling in the blanks.”

“Well where do you want me start?”

“How about at the beginning. How on earth did we get together?” Vanessa smiles as she speaks, hoping not to offend Charity.

Charity smiles, a brilliant smile. It doesn’t last though, as the realisation hits Charity that to tell the tale of their first kiss, means reliving that Finn died. Vanessa watches in interest as Charity goes through a myriad of emotions.

Charity looks Vanessa in the eyes not sure if the vet is ready for such a big reveal this soon in her recovery. She looks away again briefly. She’s going to find out eventually she supposes. “Has anyone told you about Finn?”

Vanessa scrunches her face in confusion. “Finn? As in Tracy’s best friend Finn.”

Charity nods, and Vanessa shakes her head no, the level of emotion on display in Charity’s eyes means she knows she isn’t going to like whatever her fiancée has to say.

Charity swallows. “Look Ness, there’s no easy way of saying this, but he died.”

Vanessa gasps in shock. “What? When? How?”

That was a lot of questions in quick succession. Charity tries to cover all. “Finn, he died, October 2017, and he was killed by Emma.”

Charity grimaces and prepares herself for another shocked reaction, and she isn’t disappointed. “Emma, his mum?”

Charity nods. “She also carked it.”

Vanessa feels like she’s getting whiplash this story’s got so many angles. She decides not to focus on the fact that half the Barton family appears to have been wiped out, and get back to the actual question at hand. “I’m sorry Charity, you’re going to have to help me out here. What has any of this got to do with how we got together?”

“Aw yeah.” Charity is happy that Vanessa has steered her back on course. “Well it was at Finns funeral. We ended up getting locked in the cellar at the pub.”

“How?”

“Well I went down to change a barrel, you followed me to give me a piece of your mind, and tell me what a nasty piece of work I am.” Charity smirks at Vanessa’s sheepish look.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I deserved it. Plus, it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Vanessa again is shocked by this version of Charity; she feels excited to get to know her. Charity decides to continue. “Anyway, the lock on the door was faulty, so when you steamed in ready to hand me my arse, the door slammed behind you. We were locked in with an almighty party happening above us, so no chance of anyone coming to rescue us.”

“Okay, so we were locked in, and I clearly wasn’t happy with you.” Vanessa is trying to hurry Charity to get to the juicy part.

Charity giggles at Vanessa’s eagerness. “Well you jabbering on about awful I was, meant I’d do anything to shut you up.”

“What so you kissed me?”

Charity scoffs. “No of course not. I opened a bottle of whiskey, in the hope that you’d pass out, or I would.”

Vanessa smirks. Charity continues. “Needless to say, it didn’t go to plan, and you continued to berate me, until finally you made some quip about me being like…what was is it, ‘a little boy pulling the little girls pig tails to get their attention’.”

Not for the first time today, Vanessa grimaces. Charity’s heart fills at the sight. “I told you that if I wanted someone to notice me, they noticed me. Then I kissed you, to prove my point.”

“Then what?”

“Then babe, you kissed me back, a lot.” Charity winks and Vanessa rolls her eyes.

“We didn’t, y’know.” She raises her eyebrows. “Down in the cellar.” She scrunches her nose up in disgust.

Charity laughs. “Not that night no. You’ve taken quite a shine to that cellar since mind you.” Charity wiggles her eyebrows.

Vanessa feels the flush rising up her neck, she clears her throat in an attempt to regain some composure. “So, when did we?”

Charity knows what she’s asking. “You’re keen to get to the good stuff.”

“Charity.”

“Relax. I’m teasing. You came back to the pub the next day, to tell me our night of passion in the cellar was a ‘massive, monumental ridiculous mistake, that wouldn’t be happening again’.”

Now Vanessa is really confused. “Well if I told you it was a mistake, when did we end up taking things further.”

Charity can’t help the smugness she feels. “About two minutes after you’d finished your little rant at me actually.”

Vanessa is mortified. Charity laughs. “I hate to break it to you babe, but you find me kind of irresistible.”

Vanessa smiles. “Hmmm.” Charity bursts out laughing again. Eventually Vanessa joins in.

XXXXXXXXX

Charity and Vanessa have spent an hour or so, just chatting, reacquainting themselves. Nothing too heavy, but Vanessa is surprised at just how much she likes Charity as a person. She finds herself craving to remember the time they’ve spent together; she feels like she’s been robbed. She wants those memories back.

The doctor walks in interrupting their pleasant afternoon. “Good afternoon ladies. Glad to see you’re getting to know each other again.”

They both roll their eyes in jest and smile shyly at the other. Charity legitimately feels like a school girl again, it’s pathetic. She just wants Vanessa to get her memory back, so badly. The doctor continues. “Good news Vanessa, I’ve reviewed your latest scan, and it looks like the swelling is starting to reduce slowly.”

Vanessa is so relieved. But she doesn’t speak, instead lets the doctor continue, hoping that he gives her the news she’s longing for. “I see no reason why you can’t continue your recovery at home as an outpatient.”

Jackpot, that is exactly what Vanessa wanted to hear. “Thank you so much doctor.”

“No problem at all, I’ll sort out the paperwork, but you should be good to leave in 30 minutes or so.” He smiles and squeezes her shoulder before exiting the room.

Vanessa looks at Charity expecting to see her sharing her excitement, instead she looks a little worried. Maybe Charity isn’t ready for Vanessa to be out of hospital. “Hey What is it? What’s wrong?”

Charity is nervous about what Vanessa being realised from hospital means. “It’s just, where are you going to go?”

Vanessa panics, she’s been told by her dad that she and Johnny are living at the pub, maybe Charity doesn’t want her back there in her current state.

Charity continues to nervously ramble. “I mean of course I want you to come home to me, and the boys. But I understand that might be a bit weird. I mean I wouldn’t expect you to share a bed with me or anything, I would sleep on the couch…”

Vanessa is surprised at the relief she feels, when she realises that Charity does want her to come home. “Charity I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

It’s like a dagger to Charity’s heart. “Well that’s not entirely true, there’s a spare room at Tug Ghyll after all the hoopla with Maya coming out.”

“Who’s Maya?”

“That’s not really important. Babe listen, if you don’t want to come back to the pub, you don’t have to, that’s all I’m saying.”

“Charity I want to. I want to get better; I want to remember.”

Charity swallows the lump she feels in her throat. “Good. That’s good then.”

XXXXXXXXXX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always let me know what you think.
> 
> Twitter: Eden_Ashley_Chr


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter that I already had pre-written... so expect a lot longer between updates going forward!!

I own nothing.

As soon as they had got back home to the pub, Charity had set Vanessa up in their room. It was immensely odd for Vanessa to look around the room, and see pictures of her and Charity, with Johnny and Moses, and even Noah to her surprise. All of her clothes and trinkets in the room. Charity leaves her to rest, and she finds herself just lying on the bed, thinking, willing herself to remember.

Nothing happens. She doesn’t know why she thought her memories would just magically come back. The doctor told her she’d have to immerse herself back into her new life. She needs to work for this. She sighs and pulls herself up. She takes one last glance around the room, promising herself that she’ll look through everything more closely later.

She meanders downstairs she still doesn’t feel entirely comfortable here in the living quarters of the Woolpack, why would she, she doesn’t remember ever being back here. The main living room / dining room / kitchen is empty. She wanders through, running her hands across the sideboards, the couch, anything really as she makes her way into the kitchen, hoping that perhaps touch memory might come into play.

She fills the kettle, and flicks it on. She absent-mindedly walks around the kitchen; she must have made herself a brew a thousand times in this kitchen. But standing here now, she really has no idea where the mugs are. She glances across all of the cupboards, and tries her best to remember which one might contain what she’s after. All of a sudden it becomes a bigger thing in her head, like if she guesses the right cupboard it will somehow prove that she’s getting her memory back. It’s nonsense of course, but she finds herself terrified that she might not pick correctly.

She glances back across all of her options, and swallows hard before biting the bullet and pulling at the handle of one of the cupboard doors. She doesn’t realise she’s holding her breath, and has closed her eyes, until she grasps that she has to open them to see if she’s actually has chosen correctly.

She slowly releases her breath, and opens her eyes, she’s takes in the sight before her. Mugs. Rows and rows of mugs, and more sippy cups than a single household should have. She lets out a noise which is somewhere between a laugh and a sob, and throws her hand across her mouth. She can feel the tears welling in her eyes, and she knows it’s pathetic, because realistically she’s just guessed right. But it means so much. She wants to remember so much, so she clings onto the chance that her correct guess was born out of familiarity.

She makes herself a brew and then makes herself comfy at the kitchen table. She cradles the warm mug in her hands, and glances around the room. She takes in the various trinkets and pictures about the place and hopes for a spark of recognition. Before she has a chance to get mad at herself for not remembering, Paddy stumbles into the room from the direction of the bar. She raises an eyebrow as he strides over and joins her at the table. It’s weird that the two of them live together, that’s probably weirder for her than the fact she lives with Charity.

He places her phone in front of her. “Sorry, this was in a bag of your things that the nurse gave to me as we were leaving the hospital.”

She looks over it, it’s new. Not a great surprise given that it’s been almost two years since she can remember. It’s different to her last phone, which she would have used her thumb print to get into, but this one has a completely different facia, and there isn’t a button anymore for her thumb print. Her face screws up in confusion.

Paddy obviously notices, and chuckles. “It’s facial recognition.”

“I’m sorry?” Vanessa really has no idea what he’s talking about.

He nods towards the contraption. “Your phone. Hold it up to your face, and it will unlock.”

Vanessa does as instructed, and to her surprise the screen confirms that the phone is now unlocked. Impressive.

Paddy rises from his seat. “Thought looking through the photos might help.”

Vanessa nods, it’s as good an idea as any she supposes.

“Right well I’ll leave you to it. I’ve got to get back to the vets.” He stumbles out as quickly as he arrived.

Vanessa flicks the screen up so she can access the contents of the phone. Her background picture is one of her Charity, Noah, Moses and Johnny. They all look unbelievably happy. She smiles at the thought. It’s still an extremely foreign and strange sensation to think about how happy she apparently is with Charity Dingle.

She heads straight for the photos app and starts to glance through. She notices a folder named ‘Charity’. She clicks on it, intrigued. She’s met with a password request. She hopes to god that she’s used the generic one that she uses for everything. She types it in and does a little fist pump when she gains access. At least parts of her life are still predictable in the future.

Her celebration doesn’t last long. In fact, her mouth goes dry as she starts to flick through the images. They’re all of Charity in various states of undress. In some of them she’s completely naked. Posing seductively in some. Vanessa can’t stop herself from looking. Charity is mesmerising, she’s completely stunning. No wonder she fell in love with her.

She’s brought from her trance by the sound of someone clearing their throat. She’s surprised to see Charity smiling down at her. She frantically closes her phone, feeling embarrassed. She can feel the flush rising up her throat and into her cheeks. 

Charity’s brow knits together. “Is everything alright? I was just coming through to see if you needed anything?”

Vanessa is flustered. “Yeah fine.”

Charity isn’t convinced. “Ness, you can talk to me, you know?”

Vanessa swallows and decides to come clean, the look of dread currently nestled on Charity’s face means she has to. She clears her throat. “I was just looking through my phone, to see if anything jogged my memory.”

Charity sits at the table opposite. “And?” Clearly something has affected her fiancée.

“I found a folder full of rather…” she struggles for the correct word. “…artistic pictures of you.”

Vanessa feels the sensation of embarrassment expanding across her face, and can’t help but look down at the table burning with shame. Her head whips straight back up when she hears Charity start howling with laughter. 

“Charity, it’s not funny.”

Charity manages to compose herself a little. But the smile never falls from her lips. “Babe you’re allowed to see me naked.”

Vanessa continues to melt. Charity continues to smirk. She reaches over and touches Vanessa’s hand. “How did they make you feel?”

Vanessa is confused. Now it’s Charity who feels a little nervous. “What I mean babe, is they didn’t disgust you or anything.”

Now it’s Vanessa’s turn to laugh. “No Charity, they definitely did not disgust me.”

Charity perks up. “Liked what you saw did you.”

Vanessa shakes her head, and bites her bottom lip. “Yes, I did. Very much so.” She feels a little sadness. “I feel like I should remember seeing you naked, it pretty much blew my mind.”

Charity can see she’s frustrated that she still isn’t getting any sort of memories back. She squeezes her hand. “It will come back Ness. Your memory. It has too.”

Vanessa’s heart clenches at just how desperate Charity sounds. She watches as the bar maid swallows her fear and plasters on a brave smile. “And in the meantime, those photos probably don’t compare, so if you want to have a look at the real thing. Just for the purposes of getting your memory back of course, you just let me know.”

Charity winks, and Vanessa feels the embarrassment flare up inside of her again. Charity bursts out laughing again.

XXXXXXXXXX

Vanessa finds herself in the front room watching paw patrol with Johnny, he’s sitting playing with some toy cars on the floor in front of her feet, glancing up at the TV every couple of seconds so he doesn’t miss anything. She’s slowly starting to get used to size of her not so little boy.

She’s surprised when the door leading to the bar flies open again, and Moses comes hurtling through. He’d been in Liverpool with Ross when she had her accident. Apparently, he’s back. He wastes no time in launching himself at her, diving onto her lap. His arms go around her neck. “Hi Ness. I’ve missed you.”

She’s a little taken aback. Charity frantically chases after Moses into the room, but not fast enough, clearly. She can see Vanessa is struggling with how to react.

“Moses babe, come to mummy.”

He shakes his head. Vanessa starts to rub his back. She looks up at Charity. “He’s fine.”

“Mama said that you’re poorly.”

“That’s right little man.”

“Is it your tum tum?” He rubs her belly.

Charity’s heart constricts. That’s what they told him when Vanessa got stabbed. She didn’t think anything could be worse than that, and yet here they are.

Vanessa doesn’t miss the sharp intake of breath from Charity. She’s obviously seen the scar on her stomach, and assumes she’ll be filled in on that particular story in due course. But whatever happened is clearly an immense source of pain for her fiancée, and also has her step son worried.

She concentrates back on Moses. “No darling. My tummy is fine. I got a bang on the head, but it’s all better now.”

Moses seems to mull it over. “Did Mama kiss it better?”

Vanessa immediately flashes back to those photos she was looking at earlier. Charity smirks, apparently, she can read Vanessa’s mind. Which causes another attack of blushes.

Vanessa clears her throat. “Mama is helping me get better yes.”

Moses seems satisfied with that and buries his head underneath Vanessa’s chin, and focuses on paw Patrol. Johnny who had watched the whole interaction from his spot on the floor, climbs up onto his mum’s lap, and snuggles in next to Moses who places an arm around his brother, before both of their attention is focused back on the TV.

To say Vanessa is shocked is an understatement. This little boy really trusts her. A wave of sadness hits her again. She just wants to remember.

Charity just watches a multitude of emotions play across her lover’s face, before Vanessa pulls both of the boys closer placing a kiss on each of their heads. Charity can’t help but worry about the main ‘what if’ that torments her. What if Vanessa never gets her memory back.

XXXXXXXXXX

Vanessa has just had a shower and gotten into her pyjamas and now she’s just getting into a very unfamiliar bed, in an unfamiliar house. She can’t really settle, she wonders how on earth she’s supposed to get any sleep, her mind is whirring.

She sees the bedroom door move in the corner of her eye, and smiles when Charity sticks her head round. “Glad you’re decent, I didn’t want to overstep any boundaries.”

Vanessa grins. “Nope, I’m fully covered in my sexy granny jamas.”

Charity comes fully into the room, and sits on the end of the bed, Vanessa moves her legs slightly under the covers to accommodate her fiancée.

“It’s not been too overwhelming has it? Today I mean?” Charity asks shyly.

“It’s been a lot.” Vanessa has a thought. “Is that why you’ve been missing in action today?”

Charity sighs. “I just wanted you to acclimatise to being here, I didn’t want to overdo it by me being in your face all day too.”

Vanessa is touched, and actually surprised at just how sensitive Charity can be. She chuckles. “Maybe you’re right, after those photos earlier, I think I’ve seen enough of you for one day.”

The glint in Charity’s eyes lights up her whole face in mischief. “Still can’t stop thinking about me naked hey?”

Vanessa doesn’t feel as embarrassed as she did earlier. Her lack of response spurs Charity on, she can’t help her playful mood, seeing Vanessa in their bed. “I could tell you some tales about what we’ve gotten up to in here if you like.”

“Charity.” Vanessa warns.

“We’ll build up to that then babe.”

Vanessa swallows hard. Charity clarifies what she means, she doesn’t want Vanessa to think she’s a creep. “To the stories I mean, not the physical act.”

Vanessa chuckles. “I’ll look forward to that.”

This time it’s Charity that swallows hard. The atmosphere is charged, Charity needs to diffuse it a little. “Anyway. I just wanted to come and say good night and see if you needed anything?”

Vanessa shakes her head. “No, I’m all set, I think. Where will you sleep?”

“Just on the couch, Noah offered me his bed. But I’d rather not think about what a teenage boy gets up to in his bed, so the couch is more than fine.”

They both chuckle. “Right, well, I’ll leave you to get sorted.”

Vanessa can’t explain it, but she doesn’t want her to go. “Or you could stay for a bit?”

Charity looks at her with so much hope, so much love. Vanessa shrugs. “I’m not tired. Plus, it’ll be nice for us to spend some time together, just us.”

Vanessa pats the bed on the other side of her, a lot like that time she did in the hospital when she’d been stabbed. Charity looks at the space on the bed, and then back up to Vanessa to see if there’s any hint of any recognition. She’s just met be a confused looking Vanessa.

She smiles and nods, and slowly makes her way around the other side of the bed before carefully lying down next to her fiancée. Trying hard not to reach out and touch her, or lie too close, the last thing she wants is to make her uncomfortable.

Once she’s comfortable Charity speaks. “So, is there anything in particular you want to cover?”

Vanessa had watched Charity carefully slide onto the bed, on top of the covers. She feels like Charity’s considerate side shouldn’t surprise her so much anymore, she’s seen it about a thousand times in the past 24 hours.

It feels natural for Vanessa to slide across and lay her head on Charity’s shoulder. Charity tenses for a millisecond, but then moves her arm around Vanessa’s shoulders and holds her closer, the breath that she feels like she’s been holding in since she heard about Vanessa’s accident releases a little. Laying here with her arms around her.

“This feels right.” Vanessa decides to voice what she’s feeling. “I haven’t remembered a damn thing yet. But this just feels right.”

Charity can tell that Vanessa is massively frustrated, but her words have just made her heart soar. She pulls her lover closer, and lets out a contented sigh. Charity lets the fear overtake her. “I’m terrified you’ll never remember Ness.”

Vanessa pulls back and looks up at Charity, at the same time that those stunning green eyes look down and meet hers. She can see tears glistening, she didn’t think the Charity she used to know was scared of anything. But right now, she looks two seconds away from completely losing it.

Vanessa doesn’t speak, she rises her head a little so she’s closer, Charity holds her breath. Vanessa closes the gap and their lips meet for what feel like the first time in forever. It’s soft, chaste. Charity still doesn’t want to overstep any boundaries. Vanessa just savours the softness. 

As Vanessa pulls back nervously, slightly worried about Charity’s reaction to springing a kiss on her, she has a sprig of recognition. Her brow furrows. Charity panics immediately. “What? What is it babe?”

“When we kissed in the cellar, was I wearing a mask?”

Charity’s heart starts beating faster. “Yes babe.”

Vanessa is on a roll. “Yellow.”

Charity gets more and more excited, she just nods, she wants Vanessa to get there herself without too much assistance. 

The vet exclaims. “You snapped it back onto my face.” She slaps her on the arm, which causes Charity to laugh. 

“Yes babe. I did.”

Vanessa can feel happy tears starting to prick the back of her eyeballs. “I remember.”

Her smile doesn’t last long. She shakes her head. “But that’s all I remember.”

Charity plants another quick peck on her lips. “Babe, don’t worry yourself about that. The important thing is that your memories are starting to come back at all. It will probably take some time. But this has got to be a brilliant first step, hasn’t it?”

Vanessa nods. Charity has a lot more patience that she has. But she knows it’s a good sign that she’s remembered anything at all. Charity sparked it. “Will you stay in here tonight?”

Charity is shocked. “Are you sure?”

Vanessa nods. “This is the most normal I’ve felt since I woke up the other day. I just want you to hold me.”

Charity smiles. “Of course.” She tightens her grip around her fiancées shoulder and feels content when Vanessa relaxes back onto her shoulder.

XXXXXXXXXX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!
> 
> Twitter: Eden_Ashley_Chr


	4. Chapter 4

I own nothing.

Vanessa’s brain starts fluttering into consciousness. Her eyes are still closed, but she stretches out the sleep from her bones, and she starts to wake up a bit more. She reluctantly opens her eyes. She lays there, awake, looking up at the ceiling. Then she remembers. Remembers that she can’t remember the last almost two years of her life. Remembers falling asleep last night wrapped in Charity’s arms. Charity. She reaches her hand out to the other side of the bed, and when she’s met with nothing, just sheets, she reluctantly moves her head, and receives confirmation that she is now in bed alone. Charity has left.

She wonders where she might be, worries that she might have come on a bit too strong with that kiss last night. But smiles at the recollection that, that kiss brought back her first memory from before, and with it, actual solid confirmation that she and Charity are a real thing, and it’s not everyone else that has gone insane. It’s definitely her that’s lost her memory.

She sighs and decides to go in search of her fiancée. As she appears to be the key to her regaining her memories. She pulls the covers and takes her pyjama clad self downstairs towards the back room of the pub where she hopes she’ll find Charity.

She swings the door open and glides in, to be met not by Charity, but by a mini version of her, eating his cereal at the dining table. Noah. This will be their first interaction since Vanessa got hurt, and in her current state, as far as she’s concerned, their first interaction ever.

He looks as nervous as she feels. She doesn’t know how to handle him; doesn’t know what kind of relationship they have in the real word. She edges towards him, he gives her a half smile, and an “alright.” As she drops down into one of the other empty chairs at the table.

“Alright.” She mirrors his greeting.

He drops his spoon into his now empty bowl and looks at Vanessa like he’s massively intrigued. She doesn’t have to wait long to find out what he’s thinking about. “Mum says you’ve lost your memory.”

Vanessa nods to confirm.

“So, you can’t remember anything at all?”

“Well nothing in the last 20 months.” She clarifies.

She can see the mischief sparkling in his eyes. Apparently, he is just like his mother. He speaks again. “So, I could tell you absolutely anything about the last couple of years and you wouldn’t have a clue if it was true or not?” He smirks.

Vanessa can’t help but mirror his grin. She narrows her eyes as she responds. “Maybe I’ll run anything you tell me past your mum before I put too much stock in it.”

“Probably wise.” He smiles. “But if she tells you I let all the animals out at the vets, that’s a pure lie.”

Vanessa’s mouth actually falls open. “You never.”

“That’s right.” He winks. “I never.”

Before they get a chance to continue Charity swans in from the bar. She’s wrapped in a dressing gown and her hair is wet. She slept fully clothed last night, so she jumped in for a quick shower before she had to deal with the dray man.

Charity takes in the scene before her. She can’t help the slight panic that rises in her. Vanessa and Noah haven’t got the best history, although they have been a lot better recently. “What’s going on here then?” 

Two blonde heads immediately whip round at the sound of her voice. Noah’s smile drops straight away, his moody teenager mask is firmly back in place. 

“Nothing.” He scowls.

Charity pulls a face at him. “Well you better get yourself off to school then.”

Vanessa watches as he makes a show of grabbing his bag and throwing his jacket on in a petulant manner, before he pauses for a second and looks back down at her. “I hope you get Your memories back soon.”

Vanessa smiles. “Me too. Thanks Noah.”

She doesn’t miss the smile he shares with his mum as he leaves. Charity collapses onto the sofa and Vanessa swivels in her chair so she’s facing her other half.

“You alright?” Vanessa is still a bit worried about Charity’s disappearing act this morning.

Charity looks at her like she’s grown a second head. “Er, babe. I’m pretty sure that’s my line.”

Vanessa smiles and moves over to join her fiancée on the couch. “Just when you weren’t still in bed this morning, I thought I might have pushed it a bit far last night. You know making you stay, and the er…” she stumbles over her words a little. “…y’know. The kiss.”

Charity really has to try hard not to burst out laughing. As if she would ever have a problem with a cheeky snog and cuddle with her stunning other half. But Vanessa currently can’t meet her eye, and she can tell that’s she genuinely worried about this. So, she reaches over and grabs Vanessa hands, causing those beautiful baby blues to meet her gaze and bore through her. 

“Hey, missus. I had to get up for the dray man this morning, and after sleeping fully clothed I thought I better get a quick shower. Trust me, I wanted nothing more than to stay, and wake up with you still in my arms.”

Vanessa’s smile is brilliant. She gains a bit of confidence from Charity’s words and has a mischievous thought. The change in her facial expression catches Charity’s attention, who just raises an eyebrow and waits for the petite blonde to let her in on the secret.

Vanessa doesn’t disappoint, she starts to edge closer, because the real truth is that she’s been wanting to do this again since last night. “You know, the one memory that’s come back so far…” she edges closer still. “…was brought on by us kissing…” Charity can feel the excitement building in her as Vanessa edges closer again. “Maybe we should try that again?”

Vanessa bites her bottom lip and flutters her eyelashes. She’s basically pressed up against Charity now, who just needs to dip down ever so slightly to meet waiting eager lips. “Well I’m hardly likely to turn down an offer like that am I?”

Charity wastes no time in bringing their lips together. This kiss is nothing like the tame affair they shared last night. Vanessa dives right in, Charity is such a good kisser, it’s not long before she slips her tongue into the Land Lady’s mouth who accepts it readily. Vanessa loses her hands in her fiancée’s still ever so slightly damp hair, and finds herself pulling herself up to straddle the stunning blonde without breaking the kiss.

Charity loves this, it reminds her of her Vanessa. Far from a being precious flower that some seem to think she is; Vanessa likes to take control, even with lost memories she clearly still knows that. They are both completely and utterly lost in the kiss. Until the sound of someone clearing their throat makes them spring apart.

They both look towards the source of the sound and see a bumbling Paddy. Charity just rolls her eyes, used to Paddy interrupting them. Vanessa however looks mortified.

The thing is she’s not just embarrassed about him walking in on them right now. It seems Charity’s lips do invoke memories, and the latest one is of her and Charity down in the cellar. Paddy clearing his throat like he just has done, but looking a lot more horrified that he does now. She remembers, Charity bracing herself against the wall, and she was between her legs… oh god. Vanessa’s mouth falls open in shock, and her hand flies up immediately to cover it.

Paddy panics. “Sorry. Again. I absolutely should have learned to knock by now.”

Charity doesn’t speak she can see something has gotten to Vanessa, and she doubts it’s just Paddy catching them having a cheeky snog. “Babe?”

Vanessa can’t speak, too shocked by her memories, she can feel the embarrassment burning up her chest and neck, and taking over her face. She jumps off Charity and runs up the stairs towards their bedroom, she just needs to escape, it’s too overwhelming. Charity just scowls at her cousin’s boyfriend. “Nice one Padster.”

“Sorry.” With that he’s gone, and Charity decides to go and see what exactly has her fiancée running away from her at speed.

She makes her way slowly up the stairs towards their bedroom still none the wiser as to what’s just caused her lovers melt down. She’s surprised when she’s met at the bedroom door by a hastily dressed Vanessa. She panics at the sight, she’s clearly leaving. “Babe, what’s going on?”

Vanessa can’t look Charity in the eyes, all she can see is that memory playing over and over again. Her tongue, Charity’s hands in her hair, the sound of her lover trying to stifle a moan, the taste. It’s all too much, she needs to get away. 

“I just need some air.”

“Well, I’ll come with you then.”

“No.” The response is too emphatic, and quick for Charity not to be offended. Vanessa tries to rescue it a bit, but she really really needs that air. “I’m just nipping over to see Rhona.”

With that she shoves past a still perplexed Charity and heads for the side exit of the pub as fast as her little legs will carry her. The fear and worry has a firm grasp in Charity now, but she can hardly keep her here against her will. She sighs as she pulls her phone out and drops Rhona a message to expect Ness and to let her know if she doesn’t arrive. She decides she may as well get ready for the day. She pushes into the bedroom, feeling utterly useless.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Vanessa is still rather dishevelled when she arrives at Rhona’s. Her best friend has of course been expecting her, thanks to Charity’s text. She’s already clicked the kettle on. Vanessa lets herself into the kitchen, and sits at the dining room table all without saying a word to her best friend.

Rhona eyes her curiously, she knows when Ness is in turmoil. She places a brew in front of her which seems to bring her out of her daze a little. Rhona takes a seat opposite and decides to give her friend a little time to tell her exactly what’s going on.

Vanessa takes a sip of her tea, she knows Rhona’s waiting for an explanation, but the truth is, she isn’t really sure where to start. 

Rhona loses patience. “So, are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

Vanessa isn’t ready to discuss this yet, so she tries to play it coy. “Who says anything’s going on? Can’t I just want to have a brew with my best friend?”

Vanessa shrugs, and Rhona narrows her eyes. She hasn’t got time for games, she’s due in surgery shortly, so she tries to hurry this along. “Well given that I’ve just got a text from Charity who’s clearly out of her mind with worry, I assume something is in fact going on.”

It blows her mind that Charity and Rhona message each other. She swallows it down, she knows she needs to talk about this with someone.

She plasters on a fake smile. “I’ve started to remember a few things.”

“Aw Ness that’s great.” She’s slightly confused by the look on her friends face right now. “Isn’t it?”

Vanessa is still a bit conflicted. “No, yeah it is.”

Rhona really isn’t sure what’s going on. “What exactly did you remember Ness.”

She decides to build up to her latest memory. She starts off light. “I remembered mine and Charity’s first kiss.”

“So, you actually believe you’re a couple now?”

She thinks about her latest memory and feels the burn creeping up onto her cheeks again. There’s definitely no denying that her and Charity are more then just causal acquaintances or whatever they were before all this started. 

Rhona watches with interest, clearly something is wrong with her. “Ness Seriously, is everything alright. You’re starting to worry me now too.”

Vanessa sighs, she’s just needs to spit it out. “I’m fine, it’s just some of the memories are a bit more…” she tries to search for the right word. “…shocking, than the others.”

“What do you mean?” Rhona really is intrigued now.

Vanessa comes to terms with the fact that she’s probably going to be beet red by the time she reveals all to Rhona. So, she decides to just power through. She absolutely cannot look her best friend in the eyes while she speaks, so her gaze drops to the mug she’s nursing in her hands.

“We were down in the cellar. Me and Charity. In this new memory I mean, not this morning or anything.”

Rhona has to stifle her smirk, she thinks she already knows where this is going, she was in the Woolpack that day after all, if it’s the day she thinking of. Her best friend turning into a rambling gay puddle at her kitchen table makes her almost certain that she is thinking of the correct day.

“And we were doing things.” Vanessa continues. “Well more specifically I was doing something to Charity.”

Rhona’s smile grows. She knew it. She decides to put her best friend out of her misery. “And Paddy walked in on you.”

Vanessa’s head whips up so fast, Rhona’s impressed it’s still attached to her neck. “You know about it?”

Rhona giggles. “Well yeah. I didn’t get quite as detailed an insight as Paddy did, but I was there that day. To be honest that’s how I found out that you and Charity were still a thing. After the first time I mean.”

Vanessa didn’t think it was possible, but she feels even more embarrassed now. Rhona stops smirking. “Ness, you know you’ve got nothing to be embarrassed about.”

Now she’s mad at herself, and it shows. The frustration she’s felt the last few days is threatening to boil over. “It’s not that I’m embarrassed, Well maybe a bit. It’s not like I’ve ever done anything like that, before Charity. I suppose the memory just took me by surprise.”

“And made you run away from Charity.”

Another sigh. “It was just a bit overwhelming. The memory I mean.”

Rhona chuckles. But she has another thought which doesn’t make sense. “Wait a minute, so you’re saying that so far, you’ve remembered your first kiss, and the day down in the cellar after Veronica.”

Another revelation. “Oh yeah, Veronica.” Vanessa is happy that she’s has remembered a bit more, but Rhona’s face conveys that she better answer her question.

Vanessa clears her throat. “Sorry, yeah. Just the first kiss and the, erm, the other thing.”

Rhona narrows her eyes. “Well that doesn’t really make any sense, those two events happened months apart.”

“I don’t think there’s really any rhyme or reason to it.”

“What triggered the memories?” She decides to delve deeper.

“Charity actually.” Vanessa smiles. “We kissed for the first-time last night, and I remembered our actual first kiss.”

“Oh really. And what exactly were you doing the second time?” Rhona’s sentence gets more and more high pitched with excitement as it goes along, and Vanessa knows exactly what she’s suggesting.

“Oh, as if Rhona. We were just kissing again, and Paddy interrupted us, that’s what triggered the memory. Get your mind out of the gutter.”

“Seems to have been an awful lot of kissing going on just recently Ness. Not bad given your initial reaction to finding out that you and Charity are engaged was pure horror.”

Vanessa tuts. “Well clearly it’s helping me get my memories back.” She just gives Rhona her best shit eating grin.

Rhona smirks and they both get back to enjoying their brews. Vanessa starts to mull over that day in the pub with Veronica. She gasps. “I’ve just remembered, that day with Veronica, Charity said she’d be bored of me in a couple of weeks.”

Rhona smiles. “Well clearly she was kidding herself.”

Vanessa nods. “Cheeky cow.”

Rhona purses her lips. “So are you going to go home and put her mind at rest.”

Vanessa nods. “I suppose so yeah. She did look a bit like her world was caving in earlier.”

“Well you are her world Ness, you and the kids.”

It blows her mind, this life that they’ve built for themselves. She just nods at her best friend. She supposes she better sort this out.

XXXXXXXXXX

Vanessa sheepishly re-enters the Woolpack, through the front door of the pub this time. They’re not open for business yet, but she’s happy when she spies Charity re-filling the bottle fridges. Charity lifts her head at the noise and smiles when she sees her fiancée looking a lot less agitated that she did earlier.

Vanessa returns her smiles and lifts herself onto a bar stool next to the hatch. Charity leaves the bottling; she was only doing it for distraction; and joins her lover staying on her side of the bar. 

“How was Rhona?” Charity decides to be gentle.

Vanessa appreciates it, but she knows Charity deserves and explanation. “Yeah she was alright. Look, I’m really sorry about earlier.”

Charity purses her lips, unsure how far to push it. “Do you want to let me in on what actually happened?”

Vanessa swallows hard. “It’s just Paddy interrupting us brought back a memory, y’know from when he’s interrupted us previously.”

Charity laughs. “We’ll you’ll have to be a bit more specific babe, because that could be any number of memories. I contemplated getting him a bell at one point.”

Vanessa chuckles along, but Charity knows whatever one of the numerous memories it could have been, it was one that clearly affected her fiancée and not in a great way.

“It was when Veronica came to the pub at Christmas.” Vanessa admits shyly. “You told me you’d be bored of me in a couple of weeks.” She challenges.

Charity smirks confidently. “I highly doubt that it was that part of the memory that had you hightailing it out of here this morning.”

Vanessa as she has for most of the morning, feels the heat creeping into her cheeks again. “No, it wasn’t.”

Charity purses her lips together, and places a hand on top of Vanessa’s on the bar. “It wasn’t that awful was it? The memory?”

Charity finds herself terrified of the answer. Vanessa thinks carefully about her words, she doesn’t want to upset Charity any more than she already has. “It was just a lot, a bit overwhelming.”

She turns her hand on the bar, so they’re holding hands now, and she keeps her focus on the combined hands as she continues to speak. “I mean I knew we’d had sex, logically. But I don’t think I’d mentally prepared myself for what that actually meant in reality. Then that memory dropped into my brain…”

“And it blew your mind a bit?” Charity finished for her.

“Yeah.” She nods.

Charity sighs, rather than go for her usual joke, which would have been something along the lines of Vanessa’s mind being blown at the time too. She tries to be sincere and get through to Vanessa. “I know it probably doesn’t feel like it yet, but you can talk to me y’know. You didn’t have to run off.”

“I know.” She knows that she hurt Charity earlier. “I just panicked.”

Charity chuckles. “You have been known to have a gay panic, so I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.”

Vanessa is intrigued. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” Charity confirms. “That was after the first time we slept together, and you went on a date with Daz.”

Vanessa is mortified. “Daz Spencer?”

Charity continues to smirk. “Yep, you paraded him out in front of me right over there.” She points to the front of the bar.

“Oh my god. Really?”

Charity nods again. Probably enjoying this a bit more than she should. “The day after we first slept together actually. Really wanted me to know that it had been a mistake.”

Vanessa lets her head drop on top of their joined hands on the bar. All she can hear is an amused cackle from Charity.

Then it hits her, the full memory of that day, flooding her brain. Charity made them a brew in the morning after, she ran away and bumped into Paddy. He really does have a knack of being in the wrong place at the wrong time when it comes to her and Charity. Paddy’s disastrous attempt at speaking to Charity on her behalf, her ill-advised date with Daz ending up in here, she wonders if that’s what triggered the memory, being back in the bar at the Woolpack?

She also remembers how Charity acted that night in the pub. She lifts her head and Charity can instantly tell that Vanessa isn’t best pleased. That’s one of the worst things about Vanessa losing her memory, her remembering and reacting to Charity’s bad behaviour in the past. Stuff that’s already been dealt with and resolved for months or years even. She braces herself for whatever memory has floated back into Vanessa’s psyche. 

“You outed me to the whole pub.”

Charity’s heart sinks, and she sighs. “Yeah I did. I reacted to you and Daz. The thought of you going home with him to prove a point to me made me feel sick.” She answers honestly.

“So, I put on a little show.” She bites her lip. “But believe me babe, I am sorry for how I acted that day, and I’ve apologised more than once already.”

Vanessa nods, satisfied. “I assume that, given we’re engaged I’ve clearly forgiven you?”

Charity breathes out the relief she feels and smiles. “Yeah, you’ve forgiven me for that, and a lot more, which I’m sure we’ll discuss later down the line.”

This surprises Vanessa, and actually makes her feel a bit sick, what else could Charity have done. Her mind obviously jumps to the worst-case scenario. “You’ve not cheated on me, have you?” 

Apparently as well as her memories, that horse also kicked the ability to filter out of her brain as well.

Charity’s is appalled at the thought; she squeezes her fiancées hand. “No. Never.” Emphatic.

Vanessa calms a little. Charity clarifies what she actually meant. “I just meant I’ve acted a bit…well, a bit ‘Charity Dingle’ on a few more occasions since this started.”

“I stayed in Hetty with Daz that night.” Vanessa doesn’t know why those particular words have just dropped out of her mouth, but here they are.

Charity swallows down the ridiculous jealousy she feels at that statement. “Yeah I’d heard a rumour.”

“But we’ve never spoken about it?” 

Charity shakes her head, no. “Look babe, at the end of the day, we weren’t together back then. So, whatever you did or didn’t get up to in that van is none of my business. But if you did, y’know. Sleep with him. I’d rather not know about it.”

“I didn’t.” Vanessa feels the need to confirm that quickly. “I didn’t even kiss him. All I could think about was you. I remember not being able to get our night together out of my head. Even though I can’t actually remember our first time together now.”

“Good, I’m glad. It wouldn’t have been right you sleeping with him to prove your sexuality.”

Vanessa chuckles. “Well clearly I was kidding myself in that department.”

Charity smiles. “It’s weird that you’re not remembering things in order.”

The vet sighs. “That’s what Rhona said. But it seems like my memories so far have been triggered by something. Our kiss, Paddy’s interruption, being in here.” She shrugs.

She continues to muse out loud. “I suppose they will come back as when they are triggered, and then hopefully when the swelling goes down fully, they’ll all come back.”

Charity nods. “I’m just delighted they’re coming back at all to be honest babe.” She squeezes her hand again.

Vanessa jumps down of the bar stool. “Right, I’m going to get ready properly, and take Johnny for a mooch around the village, and see my Dad, and Tracy. See if I can trigger anything else while I’m out and about.”

Charity leans over, and places a chaste kiss onto her lips. “Okay babe, make sure you take you phone.”

Vanessa smiles at how very domesticated this all is. “Will do. See you later.”

XXXXXXXXXX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know what you think.
> 
> Twitter: Eden_Ashley_Chr


	5. Chapter 5

I own nothing

Vanessa is nursing a skinny latte, while Johnny plays with his cars on the couch next to her. Her dad is sitting opposite with his own coffee. She keeps glancing around the café. It looks exactly the same. It’s nice she thinks, that some things don’t change. Brenda had smiled and said how nice it was to see her out and about. She clearly hasn’t had any life changing incidents in the café, because there hasn’t been even a faint glimmer of recognition. 

Oh well, it’s nice being here with Johnny and her Dad. It’s still taking some getting used to, the fact that she can pretty much hold a conversation with Johnny now. He could say the odd word before, but now, he can do full sentences, can tell her bits about his day, what he wants for his tea, and how the latest episode of Paw Patrol has been. She smiles down at him babbling away with his cars, creating some sort of mad scenario with the little people he’s imagining in the cars.

Her Dad starts to speak, breaking her from lovingly staring down at her son. “How have the last couple of days been?”

She hears his implied ‘with Charity’. She knows he’s been worried, especially after how she reacted at the hospital. She hasn’t really had the chance to catch up with him properly until now. She supposes she can fill him in on the good news.

“Really good. I’ve started to remember a few bits and bobs.”

“Aw Teeny. That’s great news.” His smile is genuine. “Anything significant?”

Her cheeks starts to burn as she thinks about what she has remembered so far. She just nods hoping her dad hasn’t noticed. “Well let’s just say I’m fully aware that me and Charity are actually a couple now.”

Before Frank has a chance to question any further, Tracy bursts into the café. “Sorry I’m late.” 

She plonks herself down next to her Dad, while smiling at Johnny, who smiles back politely before turning his attention back to his toys.

Tracy continues as she slips back into the couch. “I have got a raging hangover.” She rubs her temple. “Had one too many glasses of wine last night.”

Frank and Vanessa chuckle. Frank starts… “Hey, you know the best thing for a hangover…”

Vanessa gasps. Stopping Frank in his tracks, and gaining the attention of everyone at the table including Johnny. 

The memories of that night, their first night together come flooding back. Vanessa going to the Woolpack to tell Charity what a mistake their kiss had been, Charity saying almost the exact same words as her dad has just uttered, and then leading her up to her bedroom. Which is now their bedroom of course. Vanessa remembers in great detail everything Charity did to her that night, and what she did in return. She feels her whole body overcome with heat; it’s coursing through her to the point that she’s almost actually thrumming in her seat. 

Frank and Tracy are really worried now, still waiting for a response, any kind of response. “Vee, are you alright.”

The worry lacing Tracy’s words, snaps her out of her memories. She looks up and sees two sets of incredibly concerned eyes burning through her. She clears her throat, and tries to remember how to speak. “Uh. Yeah. Sorry.”

“Are you sure Teeny? You look a bit flushed.”

Vanessa feels more than a bit flushed; she feels like she’s got molten lava running through her veins. She needs some air but she can’t keep running away from her memories. “I’ve just come over a bit light headed, that’s all. Nothing some fresh air won’t sort out.”

She lifts out of her seat; her words have done nothing to calm her family members who still look petrified. “Why don’t we take Johnny to the swings?”

This certainly perks ups the youngest member of the family who starts gathering up his toy cars. Vanessa smiles at him for breaking the awkwardness with his eagerness to get to the swings. Her Dad and sister still don’t look overly convinced.

Frank looks like he’s having an internal battle. “I’m due to be in work.”

That explains it. “Dad, I’m fine. Honestly. Go to work, me and Tracy will be fine at the park.”

“You’re sure?”

This time Tracy rolls her eyes and gently shoves her dad towards the door. “Dad, honestly. We’re both grown adults, we’ll be fine.”

Franks smiles and blows a kiss at his girls before he heads out to work.

“Right you.” Tracy addresses her big sister. “Let’s get over to the park, and you can tell me exactly what’s going on in that head of yours.”

XXXXXXXXXX

Vanessa smiles as Johnny delights in being pushed on the swings. Tracy is sitting in the swing next to Johnny grinning at her nephew. Vanessa shakes her head and thinks what it must be like, to find so much joy in something so simple, not to have a care in the world.

Tracy it seems is ready to talk. “Come on then Vee, what just happened?”

Vanessa looks at her confused, and stops pushing Johnny for a second, he’s obviously had enough anyway. He jumps off the swing and rushes towards the playground roundabout. Vanessa watches him go as she drops down onto the swing he’s just vacated. But she doesn’t offer her sister any response.

“Come on Vee, you clearly had some sort of meltdown in the caf.”

Vanessa would smirk, but the worry etched on her little sister’s face stops her, instead she sighs. “I’ve been getting my memories back. Slowly.” She blows out, frustrated at just how slowly.

Tracy lets her continue. “It seems that they are triggered by something.”

Tracy’s brow furrows. “And something triggered a memory in the Café.”

Vanessa nods. “Yeah, you and my Dad talking about hangovers, and cures.”

Now she’s really confused. “Eh? What memory could something as small as that have triggered?”

Has as been frequent in the last couple of days, Vanessa can feel a familiar blush rising up her neck and into her cheeks, she has a glance over at Johnny, before she stares at her feet. She’s not sure how detailed an insight Tracy has into her and Charity’s relationship. If its anything like Rhona she might already know this story.

Vanessa clears her throat. “Erm, the day after mine and Charity’s first kiss. Which I’ve also remembered by the way.”

“What down in the cellar at Finn’s funeral?”

“Yeah. Thanks for letting me know Finn had died by the way.”

Tracy just frowns guiltily, and Vanessa continues. “Anyway, like I was saying, the next day. I went to the pub to tell Charity what a mistake us kissing had been. She completely ignored everything I said, obviously. Then she asked me if I knew the best thing for a hangover.”

She glances up to make sure Tracy is still following, she is. “Then she kissed me and took me upstairs to show me what she meant.”

Tracy smirks. “Yes, I’m very aware of what happens when the two of you go upstairs, thank you very much. Sometimes you don’t even make it that far.”

Clearly Tracy does have an insight into their relationship. “It all seems a bit, y’know, sexual.”

Tracy bursts out laughing, causing Johnny to momentarily look over, before he gets back to pushing the roundabout and jumping on swinging himself around.

Tracy attempts to help her sister. “Well it was in the beginning. All relationships are, aren’t they?”

When her big sister doesn’t look convinced, she continues. “Look you and Charity started out as a bit of fun, no strings attached. But it became very apparent, very quickly that it was always going to be more than that. You’re not all about the sex Vee, although from the stories I’ve heard you’re both very good at that part.”

Vanessa smirks embarrassed. Tracy is more emphatic. “I promise you Vee, the sex part, doesn’t come close to the love part. You’re clearly just remembering the good parts first.”

Vanessa chuckles. “Yeah seems there are a lot of good parts to remember.”

Tracy smiles. “So, your first time together. That must have been quite a memory, no wonder you needed some fresh air!”

Before Vanessa has a chance to comment further, she sees Johnny in the corner of her eye, he jumps off the roundabout as its spinning, but he gets his feet mixed up as he lands causing him to go sprawling on his front, he chuckles at himself, he clearly isn’t hurt. But as she smiles at his antics, another memory bolts into her brain.

It’s of her falling, not forwards like her son just has, but backwards. In Charity’s presence. Not falling, pushed. By Charity. She can’t believe it. She never in a million years thought she’d be the type of person to forgive domestic violence. 

She rises from her seat on the swing. Tracy is watching her like a hawk, she can tell something’s clearly wrong. “Vee?”

Vanessa doesn’t want to discuss it, what if Tracy doesn’t know, she doesn’t want to label Charity as a violent partner, without remembering the background of what happened, or if it’s ever happened again, before or after. “Can you look after Johnny?”

Tracy is a little shocked. “Of course, I can, but Vee, where are you going?”

She’s up and off, but she throws back over her shoulder. “I’m just going for a walk; I won’t be long.”

Tracy watches her go, worried.

XXXXXXXXXX

Following much protest from her nephew, Tracy managed to get Johnny out of the park, pretty much straight away. She heads straight into the Woolpack, and is happy to see both Charity and Chas behind the bar. Charity is panicked as soon as she catches sight of Tracy carrying Johnny, and no Vanessa following close behind.

“Tracy, please tell me that your sister is about to follow you through that door?”

Tracy shakes her head sheepishly. She knew Charity would be angry. “She’s gone for a walk.”

Charity isn’t angry, she’s furious, she walks around to the front of the bar, and smiles at Johnny, who happily responds in kind. Before turning her daggers to Tracy. “And you let her go? By herself?”

“She’s a grown woman, Charity, I could hardly stop her.”

Charity is trying really hard not to lose her temper in front of Johnny. She swallows down a bit of the rage she feels. “A grown woman, with a recently inflicted brain injury.”

Tracy just holds Johnny closer, as she watches Charity pull her phone out of her pocket, and dial Vanessa. Charity sighs. “Voicemail.”

She rubs her temples; she really can’t believe Tracy would be so stupid. “Which way did she go?”

“What?”

Tracy is really, really testing her patience. “Which. Way. Did. She. Go?”

Now Tracy is frustrated. “She went towards the farms. But Charity, she’s started remembering things, and it really seemed like she just wanted some time to herself to process, or whatever.”

Charity’s head snaps up. “What she’s remembered more, this morning?”

“Yeah.” Tracy nods to confirm. “She remembered your first time together, and then I’m pretty sure she had another memory in the Park, just before she scurried off.”

“In the park?” Charity is confused.

“Yeah. She said something about her memories being triggered by things? I assume the look on your face means that nothing significant has ever happened in the park?”

“Well of course not, it’s a park Trace. We take the boys there sometimes, that’s about it.” There must be more too it.

“Well something clearly triggered her, because she couldn’t get away from me fast enough.”

Charity tries to wrack her brain; she really can’t think of anything significant happening in the park. Just mundane day to day stuff. It must be something else. “What happened just before she took off?”

Tracy tries to think back. “Nothing really, we were sat on the swings talking, and Johnny was playing on the roundabout, and then he sort of half jumped, half fell off it. But he was fine, started laughing straight away.”

Charity’s heart sinks she thinks she knows what Vanessa must have remembered. “So, Johnny fell over, and then she freaked out and left.”

Tracy shrugs. “Pretty much.”

Charity sighs, a sadness takes over, another memory of Charity’s bad behaviour. “Are you alright to keep hold of him for a bit?” She gestures to Johnny.

“Of course. Charity what is it?”

Charity shakes her head and dejectedly looks over at Chas. “Can I…?”

She doesn’t need to finish her sentence. “Take as long as you need, I’ve got things covered here.”

Charity looks back to Tracy. “Not all the memories are good ones Trace.”

She braces herself as she slowly walks out of the front door of the Woolpack. Time to find her fiancée. 

XXXXXXXXXX

She finds her about ten minutes outside the village, leaning over a wooden fence looking out across a never-ending landscape of fields.

Charity supposes that it is quite beautiful, if you’re into nature and all that. She isn’t really, never really had time when she was younger to stop and enjoy the finer things in life, too busy trying to survive. She leans on the fence next to Vanessa, but never takes her eyes from the view.

Vanessa glances over, and takes in the sight of her fiancée. She doesn’t know why, but she isn’t surprised that it’s Charity that finds her, or the speed at which she has done. Not that she was hiding. Not really.

Charity breaks the silence. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Trace said you practically ran off.” She sighs, and finally looks at the tiny blonde vet. “I’ll leave you alone if you want?”

Vanessa takes in the resigned look on her lover’s face, and she doesn’t know how, but she knows that Charity knows what she’s remembered. Vanessa looks away, back out over the fields.

“No, it’s alright. I suppose you’re the only one that can answer my questions.” Her words are laced in anger, confirmation to Charity that she has remembered the shove.

Charity exhales loudly. “Actually babe, it will be quite hard to explain, when you don’t know any of the context, which I assume you don’t.” Vanessa shakes her head, to confirm that the statement is correct.

“It’s no excuse but there is a reason I acted the way I did. But if I were to explain that, it would open up a whole can of worms, and an even worse memory.” She really doesn’t think that Vanessa is ready for the Bails memories yet.

“Worse than you shoving me to the floor?” The anger from before has gone. Her tone is almost resigned.

Charity can feel tears starting to burn her eyeballs. “I’ve never felt worse about myself than I did that day, and when your full memories come back, you’ll realise just how big a statement that is.”

Vanessa starts to think out loud. “Am I really that much of a doormat?”

Charity’s tears are escaping now. “No babe. Look its no excuse, but you were trying to make me do something I didn’t want to and you grabbed my arm, and I was just trying to get away. I guess I caught you off balance as I was trying to shove you away, and you fell.” A sob escapes. “And you hurt your wrist, and I am so unbelievably sorry.”

More crying. “And I know I keep saying that recently.”

Vanessa softens a bit at the sight of genuine tears falling from her fiancees eyes. But she can’t bring herself to comfort her, not yet. “Is there anything else?”

Charity composes herself enough to throw her a questioning look. Vanessa clarifies. “Is there anything else that you’re going to be saying sorry about?”

Charity nods. “At least a couple more things yeah. But I promise nothing as bad, as me outing you to the whole pub, or physically hurting you.”

Vanessa nods, and then looks back out over the fields. Charity just watches her and waits. Waits for her to say something, anything. When she doesn’t speak Charity has to. “Babe?”

Vanessa shakes her head. “I just need some time alone.”

Charity’s heart breaks. “Okay. Will you…”

Vanessa can’t be cruel it’s not in her nature. “I’ll be back at the pub soon. I promise.”

Charity just nods, she doesn’t want to push her too much, doesn’t want to push her away. “Okay babe. I’ll be waiting.”

She reluctantly walks away, back to the village. Vanessa watches her go.

XXXXXXXXXX

It’s about an hour later when Vanessa starts to meander her way back into the village. She had stayed at the field trying to wrack her brain for the context that Charity was talking about. Some explanation why Charity might lash out like that, that would be justified. She can’t remember what led to them arguing that day, but she can remember just how upset Charity was both before and after the shove.

She remembers Charity apologising, and her telling her that she knows she didn’t mean it. Seems it was more of an accident than anything else, which is basically what Charity said, although it clearly upsets her fiancée that she ever caused her any physical pain, intentionally or not. 

Just as she gets back into the village proper, she sees Cain Dingle he spots her and heads over. She smiles as he arrives. She doesn’t really haven any opinion on him as far as she can remember, but shes more than aware, he’s Charity’s cousin, ex-lover, Debbie’s dad. She wonders if they get on.

“Alright Vanessa?”

She nods. “Not bad. Considering.”

He smirks at her. “I’m surprised our Charity has let you out of her sight.”

“I don’t think she’s too happy about it to be fair.” She sighs. “Can I ask you something?”

He raises his eyebrows, but gestures towards a nearby bench. They both drop down onto it. Cain waits for her to speak again, she isn’t really sure what she wants to ask now she’s here. Or how to word it.

“What do you think of me and Charity?” She knows what everyone on her side thinks, they are all very much for them. But if anyone thinks that the two of them together is ridiculous, it would be Cain, wouldn’t it?

He blows out from his cheeks. “That’s some question.”

He chuckles, but he takes in Vanessa’s expression, he can’t imagine waking up with no recollection of his life. So, he takes pity on her. “I was shocked at first. But our Charity’s been through a lot, and you’ve been there every step of the way. The truth is, if you hadn’t been, I’m not sure she would have survived.”

“So, you’re happy that I helped her though hard times?” Not exactly a ringing endorsement. 

Cain doesn’t really like talking at the best of times. “Look you and Charity, made no sense to start with. But as times gone on, its started to make more and more sense. Charity has never loved anyone like she loves you, and I’m damn certain no one’s ever loved her the way you do. The way she deserves.”

Vanessa is a bit blown away. Seems its not just her lot that are rooting for the two of them. “Wow, I didn’t know you cared so much Cain.”

Her words are laced with mischief and he can’t help but chuckle in response. “If you tell anyone, I’ll have to kill you.”

There’s a glimmer of recognition at those words, but she can’t quite grasp at the full memory. Maybe it’s her brains way of telling her she’s remembered enough for one day. She’s sure it will come back to her eventually.

For now, she wants to get back to the pub, to Charity. She rises. “Thanks Cain.”

He smiles. “Well I would say, ‘anytime’. But y’know.”

She nods and smiles again as he wanders off towards the garage. She looks over at the pub, and smiles feeling a lot better than she did earlier.

XXXXXXXXXX

She walks through the front door of the Woolpack, and her heart warms at the sight she sees. Johnny is sitting on the bar top, with his legs on the serving side of bar. He’s laughing his head off at something Charity has just said, she’s smiling too, with a hand on either side of the little boy. Keeping him safe.

Johnny looks up and catches her smiling. “Mummy!”

Charity’s head whips up, she breathes a sigh of relief when she sees Vanessa smiling. “Hello my darling.”

She makes her way behind the bar, and kisses Johnny all over his face, causing him to squeal with delight. She places a kiss on the cheek of her momentarily shocked fiancée. “Can we talk?”

Before Charity has a chance to even think about the logistics, Chas pipes up behind her. “Go on, I can look after Johnny. Take as much time as you need.”

Chas scoops Johnny up into her arms. Vanessa nods a thank you before making her way through the back. Charity braces herself and follows.

Vanessa turns as she enters the living quarters of the Woolpack. Charity closes the door behind them, she’s never really felt nerves like it.

“How was your walk babe?”

Vanessa smiles. Charity is still trying to make things as easy as possible for her, she’s starting to understand just why she loves Charity as much as she does. She knows she does too, she can feel it, the love she has for this woman, and more than anything she knows that’s why Charity would never hurt her on purpose. So, she knows the shove, and the missing context and her reaction afterwards all lead to the conclusion that Charity didn’t mean it, and she’s clearly forgiven her. It’s clear that she probably over reacted earlier.

She strides over to the land lady and seeks out her lips immediately. Charity although surprised, wastes no time in kissing her back. When Vanessa pulls away, she buries her head in Charity’s neck, and marvels at just how safe she feels.

Charity tightens her grip, and actually feels the relief inflate her body. She kisses the top of Vanessa head and settles into the embrace.

“I’m sorry.” Vanessa tightens her arms around Charity as she speaks. “For thinking the worst of you.”

Charity blows out a small chuckle. “Don’t worry about it babe. I’m used to it from pretty much everyone.”

Vanessa pulls back to look her in the eyes. “Not from me though?”

“No babe. Not from you.”

“Then I am sorry.”

Charity smiles and pulls her closer again breathing her in.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Things had settled down a bit once Vanessa had come back to the pub, they’d had a family tea, her Charity, Noah, Johnny and Moses who had been dropped off by Pete. Everyone has been chipping in to help her and Charity since her accident, never in a million years would she have thought she and Charity would have the kind of support network they have, given Charity’s reputation in the village two years ago. Things change.

They’d put the boys to bed, it had all been very domestic. Vanessa was allowed the luxury of a bath, which given how crowded the pub is at the moment was no mean feat. She’s laid on top of the covers in her and Charity’s bed, scrolling through her phone when Charity pokes her head around the door, much like she had done last night.

She comes into the room presumably when she sees that Vanessa is decent and awake, and shuts the door behind her. She gently lowers onto the bed and makes herself comfortable next to Vanessa who again just like last night shuffles across and lays her head on her fiancées shoulder.

“You’re not going to sleep fully clothed, again are you?” Vanessa asks the question that had formulated in her brain as soon as she saw Charity enter still wearing her clothes for the day.

“Well after the day we’ve had I didn’t want to presume that you’d want me in here.” She admits sheepishly.

Vanessa chuckles. “Of course, I want you in here. So, you better get ready for bed.”

Charity smiles, she removes her arm from under Vanessa’s neck and starts to collect her pyjamas. Once she’s got everything, she needs she turns back to the bed to find Vanessa starting at her intently. “Right well I’ll just nip to the bathroom and get changed.”

Vanessa’s brow furrows. “Before, would you usually get undressed in the bathroom?”

Charity wonders where this is going. “Well no babe. But…”

Vanessa interrupts. “So, get changed in here then.” Vanessa drops her phone onto the bedside table almost as if she’s getting ready for the show.

Charity swallows hard, she doesn’t miss the slightly darker shade to Vanessa’s eyes. She just nods, and drops the garments she’s just gathered onto the bed. She slowly removes her blazer, and then her hands drop to the buttons of her shirt as she slowly starts to unfasten them. She feels like Vanessa is devouring her with her eyes. They keep getting darker and darker, until Charity shrugs out of the shirt and lets it drop to the floor.

Vanessa starts to move which halts Charity’s movements, just in case she’s changed her mind. Her expression suggests anything but Charity knows she has to be careful. Vanessa crawls over and then pulls up onto her knees so she’s about level with her lover. She runs her fingers over Charity’s shoulders and down her arms, and marvels at the goosebumps she leaves in her wake.

“You know, today. As well as remembering the shove, I also remembered the first time you brought me up here.”

Vanessa continues to run her fingers all over Charity who is now ridiculously turned on. “Yeah Tracy mentioned that briefly.”

To be honest once she got over the whole shove thing and realised that it had been an accident more than anything else, she hadn’t been able to think of anything else other than their first time together. In this very room. 

Charity holds her breath as Vanessa stops running fingers over her, and drops her lips to her neck, and then starts to gently pepper kisses along her collar bone. Charity can’t help the moan that falls from her lips, and she can feel the smirk on Vanessa’s as she continues her assault of kisses. It’s followed by a sharp intake of breath from the slightly older woman, when Vanessa, who is still kissing all along her neck, and collar bone; smooths her hands up Charity’s back. Stopping at the clasp of her bra.

Vanessa pulls back, and looks Charity in the eyes. She knows that she asking for permission, and by god Charity wants to give it to her. “Are you sure?” She manages to croak.

Vanessa smiles. “You asked me that, that first night too.”

Charity can’t seem to formulate a response, Vanessa continues. “What did I say that night?”

Charity swallows hard again, her throat is so dry it’s unreal. “You said that you were.”

Vanessa nods and makes light work of the clasp on Charity’s bra, and slowly pulls the straps down, until the bra joins the ever-growing pile of clothes on the bedroom floor.

Vanessa takes in the sight before her, the photos on her phone, and the memories in her head don’t do the real thing justice. Charity is unashamedly beautiful. Vanessa sighs at sight, her fiancée topless in front of her, looking 50% completely aroused and 50% completely worried. Vanessa tries not to laugh out loud at the clear conflict.

Instead she pulls Charity in for another searing kiss, which is hotly returned. Vanessa runs her hands back up Charity’s sides, and feeling a little braver thanks to her memory starting to come back, and with it the knowledge that she has definitely done this before, she gently pushes them slightly further, and cups her lovers naked breasts.

Charity once again moans. Breaking the kiss slightly. Vanessa uses the opportunity to once again drop her lips to charity’s neck, and then lower still down past her collar bone, and onto the tops of her breasts. She lathers the top of her chest with kisses all the while her hands are still caressing. She runs her thumbs over two erect nipples, and this time it’s Vanessa that lets out a moan at the clear effect she’s having on this stunning woman. She slowly replaces her hands with her mouth, taking each nipple into her mouth in turn. She gently sucks, and runs her tongue across the exposed nipples until Charity starts to writhe a little. 

Charity is so turned on and relieved right now, she is actually uncomfortable, she wants nothing more than Vanessa to continue with this boldness, and give her the relief she desperately needs, but at the same time, she doesn’t want to push her too far.

Vanessa’s head pops back up and starts to attack her lips once more, Charity is basically out of her mind now, caught between throwing Vanessa down onto the bed and giving her the night of her life, and stopping this completely. She actually whimpers when Vanessa hands drop to the button in her jeans quickly undoing it, never breaking the kiss. She slides the zipper down. When she pulls back from the kiss, the blue in her eyes has almost fully disappeared, her pupils are blown.

“Take these off.” She tugs at Charity’s jeans, then smirks. “You’re supposed to be getting undressed aren’t you.”

Charity just nods dumbly. Before she quickly pulls her jeans off. Vanessa rocks back slightly sitting on her legs folded underneath herself. She watches utterly mesmerised by Charity. Once she’s got the jeans off, Vanessa raises an eyebrow. “You don’t sleep in your knickers, do you?”

Charity shakes her head again, no. She’s slightly worried about just how ruined her underwear is right now, and how obvious that might be when she removes them, but she’s never been able to say no to Vanessa, so she slips the underwear off.

Vanessa sucks in as much air as she can. Charity is stunning. She’s happy to see that this little make out session is clearly affecting Charity as much as it is her. 

“I want to touch you.” Charity goes to speak, but Vanessa gets there before she can. “Yes, I’m sure.”

Charity just nods. Vanessa rises up on her knees again, and pulls Charity in for another kiss, which they both melt into, this time Charity’s arms go around her back and pull her infinitely closer. Vanessa starts to run her hands down Charity’s side, much like she had been doing before. Charity can feel the anticipation thrumming through her. Vanessa lets her right-hand slide down between their bodies. She gasps when she feels just how wet her lover is. 

She’s struck by how much she wants this. She slips her fingers through the wetness, and Charity bites down on her bottom lip. She starts to circle the way she knows Charity likes it; the way she remembers she likes it. Charity knows this isn’t going to take very long, she hasn’t got it in her to be embarrassed. Too delighted that Vanessa clearly remembers how she likes to be touched. As the smaller blonde starts to up her pace Charity isn’t sure she can do this; let go still standing up, so she pushes Vanessa back slightly so she’s sitting on the bed, and Charity basically straddles her, without breaking the kiss.

Vanessa hand falters momentarily as Charity move them into her desired position, they’re slightly closer now, meaning the angle for her wrist isn’t great, but that doesn’t concern her, because she knows Charity is close, and she wants nothing more than to see her fall apart at her hands. So, she starts to circle again, and as she starts to up her pace, Charity breaks the kiss again, but doesn’t move away, she starts to pant into Vanessa’s mouth and honestly, it’s the sexiest thing Vanessa can ever remember. 

Charity manages to choke a solitary word out through the panting. “Inside.”

Vanessa knows exactly what she wants. She manages through pure lust and want, to work the angle of her wrist so she can’t slip her fingers inside of her lover, and continue to rub harsh circles into her with her thumb. She feels charity clench around her as she does. She pulls away from Vanessa’s mouth and starts to clamp her teeth down onto her neck, trying desperately to stop the whimpers and moans falling from her lips, all the while she’s riding her lover’s fingers and making sure that her thumb hits her in the just the right place with every thrust.

If Vanessa thought she was turned on before, it’s nothing to how she feels now, with Charity bouncing up and down on her lap, stifling moans into her neck. Why did she ever doubt this? Charity is definitely close now; she almost feels embarrassed that she is too. She’s never been this invested in a lover before, in sex before, that just the sight of her lover falling apart is enough to make her come. But here she is right on the edge.

Charity’s head falls back, and she continues to grind down onto Vanessa hand, all the while the vet thrusts up to meet her each time. “Fuck Ness. I’m so close.”

Vanessa changes the angle slightly and it has the desired effect. “Oh. Fuck. Yes.” Charity the starts to chant her name, before Vanessa feels her walls starting to clench around her fingers, and Charity almost jumps out of her lap. She pulls her back down with her free hand and continues to move her hand, and guide Charity through her orgasm. It’s a beautiful sight to behold. Eventually Charity, sweatily slumps into her body. Breathing heavily. Vanessa takes a moment to catch her own breath, before she manoeuvres them so they’re both lying side by side on the bed. 

It takes another few moments, and gulps of breath for Charity to be able to formulate words. “Wow babe. You’ve certainly not lost any memories in that department.”

Vanessa chuckles. She probably shouldn’t feel as smug about that statement as she does. 

But she’s happy that she can please Charity. “That was incredible.”

Charity’s pulls herself up onto one shoulder, and looks at Vanessa, all flushed, and clearly still incredibly turned on. “That’s my line babe.” She starts to play with the buttons on Vanessa pyjama top.

“How about me returning the favour?” Charity still doesn’t want to push, but if she can’t touch Vanessa right now, she might explode.

She needn’t have worried. “You better.”

They both smiles, before Charity dips her head and takes Vanessa lips with her own again. She going to make it her mission to make sure Vanessa never forgets this night.

XXXXXXXXXXX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know what you think.
> 
> Twitter: Eden_Ashley_Chr


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing

Vanessa is in darkness. She can’t make out any of the images she can feel flying around her sub-conscious. But she can feel the fear so badly she can almost taste it. It’s consuming her. She wills herself to see, but all it brings is the smell of smoke, followed by flames. The flames get closer and closer, and the heat becomes more and more unbearable, until she’s gasping for breath.

All of a sudden, she can feel someone rubbing calming circles on her back, and a panicked voice letting her know she’s safe. Charity’s voice. She realises pretty quickly that she’s been having a nightmare, and this gives her the strength to suck in the breath she desperately needs and slowly open her eyes.

She gulps the air in a few more times until she feels the composure returning to her body. Once she feels ready, she turns to face Charity. She notes that they’re both sitting up in the bed, she must have been thrashing about. Charity looks terrified. She’s still rubbing gentle circles on her back.

“Babe, it was just a dream. You’re alright.”

Vanessa nods. “Yeah.” She has a million thoughts running through her head. She’s never had a nightmare before, well not since she was a kid. But the one she’s just suffered was awful. 

Charity of course knows that Vanessa did have nightmares in the aftermath of the stabbing. But the haze of confusion that her fiancée is currently in suggests that she hasn’t fully remembered the horrors of what they went through with Lachlan’s dad yet.

Vanessa’s eyes start to droop and Charity pulls her against her chest, before lowering them both back down onto the pillows. She kisses her forehead, and waits. There’s no way she’ll get back to sleep now. She needs to make sure that she’s awake if Ness starts having another nightmare. She glances over at the clock, 4.57am. She smiles, it’s not that much of an early morning, it won’t be that difficult to get through tomorrow. Plus, it’s worth it if it means Vanessa is okay.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The second time Vanessa wakes up, it’s a slightly more reasonable 7.14am. Charity’s glad she’s woken up, because she’s right on the cusp of having to go and sort the boys out for nursery, and the last thing she wanted was for Vanessa to wake up alone. Again. Especially after her bad dream last night. Charity can’t help but be extremely worried about just how much Vanessa might have remembered about the stabbing.

Vanessa stretches out and then cuddles into Charity’s side. Charity smiles, this is exactly how they would wake up every morning prior to the accident. She’s glad some of that familiarity is coming back. She tightens her grip around her fiancées bare shoulders and places a kiss on her head.

Eventually Vanessa pulls back and looks up at Charity. “Morning.”

Charity automatically reciprocates the brilliant smile that’s playing on the gorgeous vet’s lips. She’s been so worried about Vanessa’s nightmare, that what happened between them earlier in the evening has firmly been pushed to the back burner of Charity’s mind. Clearly the same can’t be said for Vanessa.

She pulls herself up and meets Charity’s lips with her own. Charity smiles into the kiss. “Good morning to you too.”

Vanessa laughs. She honestly feels so happy waking up with Charity. She can feel the familiarity of having done it hundreds of times before, and it just feels right.

Charity knows they need to speak about Vanessa’s nightmare. The smile drops from her lips and is replaced with nerves. She brushes a lose strand of hair behind her lovers’ ear, gently cupping her face at the same time. 

Vanessa braces herself, to be honest she feels a little embarrassed about her episode of night terrors.

Charity speaks so gently, Vanessa could cry. “Do you want to talk about last night?”

Vanessa swallows, she knows she should. But instead she throws on a brave face, and wiggles her eyebrows. “Which part?”

Charity chuckles. “Wow. You must really not want to talk about it, if you’re using sex as a deflection. That’s more my thing babe.”

Vanessa smiles. “Why does that not surprise me one bit?”

The blond vet frowns a little, the look on Charity’s face lets her know that she isn’t going to drop it. “There isn’t really much to tell. I had a bad dream.”

“What was it about?” Charity probes.

Vanessa shrugs. “It wasn’t really about anything. It’s was just darkness and a feeling of utter dread. Then there were some flames, and then I woke up.”

Flames. Charity was right this is all tying in to the stabbing, the pub being set on fire. It’s seems Vanessa is on the cusp of remembering one of the worst moments of her life. Charity wonders what’s triggered it all though.

Vanessa has been mulling that over herself, and starts to think out loud. “I was talking to Cain yesterday, and he said something that almost brought a memory back, but didn’t quite. But it was like the memory that almost came back was drenched in the same feeling of dread that was in my dream.”

Vanessa hadn’t mentioned that she spoke to Cain. “Well what did he say?”

Vanessa chuckles again. “‘If you tell anyone I’ll have to kill you.’”

Charity thinks back to that day in the hospital, when Vanessa still hadn’t woken up after her surgery. Charity’s exact words were something along the lines of ‘if you tell anyone I said that, I’ll put you straight back in here’. She wonders if that’s why the full memory didn’t come back, because the trigger wasn’t quite close enough to the real memory.

She doesn’t want to test that out right now, she doesn’t want Vanessa to go through all of that again this quickly after starting to get her memory back. Vanessa eyes her curiously and watches her face fill with emotion, before she swallows it again. Just as Vanessa is about to question it further, she’s stopped in her tracks by the bedroom door swinging open, and two excited little boys clambering in, and straight onto the bed, happily chattering.

Charity has never been more grateful for the early morning interruption by the little monsters. There have been more than a couple of occasions where they haven’t been as a welcome as they are right now. She smiles at Vanessa, but she knows from the look on her lover’s face that they will be returning to this topic later. Well later can wait she shrugs, and slips out of the bed pulling on her dressing gown. “Come on then you scallywags, let’s have breakfast.”

Moses and Johnny both squeal with excitement, and Vanessa’s face blooms into a massive smile. She never thought her and Johnny would have this. A family. Charity looks back and gives her a smile before the three of them disappear out of the bedroom. Vanessa finds herself itching to join them, so she follows Charity’s lead and slips into her dressing gown before quickly heading down to the kitchen.

XXXXXXXXXXX

They had gotten through breakfast without further mention of last night’s bad dream. Then they’d taken the boys to nursery, but now Charity has to work. Rather than spend all day propped up at the bar, Vanessa decides to head across to Tug Ghyll and spend some quality time with her little sister.

She’s sitting on the ridiculously small couch, and everything is pretty much as she remembers it, which is weird given that this used to be her home, but now it isn’t. Tracy flops down into the arm chair nursing her own fresh brew and smiles at her big sister.

“You and Charity alright then? After yesterday I mean?” Tracy has been slightly worried that things may have taken a turn for the worse after whatever it was that Vanessa remembered yesterday.

Vanessa’s memory of course flies immediately back to last night. She and Charity made love, despite the fact that she doesn’t really remember loving her, not fully, not yet. But she knows that what it is. She can’t help the smile that floats onto her lips. Almost forgetting about the issues, they had earlier in the day.

Tracy smirks at the loved-up smile on her sister face. “I assume that cheesy grin means everything is okay?”

Vanessa nods. 

Tracy is still a little confused. “But it must have been a bad memory Vee. I saw how much it freaked you out, and how worried Charity looked when I told her you’d wandered off.”

Vanessa tuts. “Wandered off. You make it sound like I’m a kid, or an old lady who’s not got all her faculties about her anymore.”

Tracy rolls her eyes. “No, just a middle-aged woman with a recent brain injury.”

Tracy smirks as she says ‘middle aged’. Vanessa decides not to bite. “Less of that cheek you.” She resolves to put her sisters mind at rest. “I remembered something, but not fully at first. Without the full memory it seemed really bad.”

“What and with the full memory it was okay?”

Vanessa nods. “With some of the context it became understandable.”

Tracy raises her eyebrows, not fully convinced. Vanessa sighs and fills her in fully. “Charity pushed me and I fell and hut my wrist. But she didn’t mean too.”

Tracy relaxes a little, she knows all about that particular incident, had questioned Vanessa about it when she clocked her wrist in a bandage. At the time she didn’t know about Bails, so Vanessa gave her some excuse or other. Tracy had been livid with Charity, but Vanessa assured her that it was an accident. Then after everything had come out about Bails, Vanessa had explained what had happened fully, why Charity acted the way she did, and she understood. She assumes Bails is the part of the context Vanessa is missing, and all of a sudden, she doesn’t want her to remember. If she does not only will Vanessa remember what that monster did to Charity, but also what that sleaze Phil did to her.

Tracy clears her throat and nods. “You told me about when it happened.”

“So, you know it was an accident.” Tracy nods. “And you know the missing context?”

Tracy nods again. “Forget about that for now. It will come back eventually, and you’ll probably wish it didn’t. So just concentrate on trying to remember the good ones.”

Vanessa fills with dread at the thought, it’s obviously something really bad, that both Charity and her sister don’t want her too remember. “Anyway, come on. Its obvious some further progress has been made with Ms Dingle, so spill. I want the gos.”

Vanessa grins. “We might have relived the other memory I had yesterday, last night.”

Tracy squeals, she knows the other memory was their first time together. “Ah Vee, that’s so exciting. Things are getting back to normal with you two then?”

Vanessa nods. “It seems like it. I know I’ve still got loads to remember, but being with her, just feels normal. It feels right.”

Tracy’s grin increases. “And the sex was just as good as you remember it?”

Vanessa flushes. “Do we really do the sex talk?”

Tracy cackles. “Do we ever. You love to brag about how good you and Charity have got it, especially if you’ve got a few glasses of wine in you. Plus let’s face it, I have to live vicariously through your stories. My sex life is non-existent.”

This piques Vanessa interest. Shes been so wrapped up in the trauma of losing her memory, the initial mind-blowing information that she and Charity are in a relationship, and the desperate crusade to get her memory back, that everything else has kind of drifted into the background. But she knows that when she last remembers, Tracy was married and happy with David. Not living here in Tug Ghyll complaining about how single she is.

“So, are we going to address the elephant in the room?” When Tracy just looks confused, she continues. “You and David.”

The penny drops. “It’s so weird that you don’t remember anything.”

Vanessa laughs. “I can’t remember a jot about my own love life, I don’t think I stood much chance of remembering yours.”

“Fair point.” Tracy sighs. “Well do you want me to tell you, or do you want to remember by yourself?”

“I suppose really I should try and remember myself. But honestly Trace there’s so much to try and remember. It’s so frustrating.”

Tracy’s heart bleeds for her sister, it really does. Instead of just telling her outright she decides to try and give her a helping hand, by triggering a memory. She glances around the room, trying to wrack her own memory. A lot of the stuff that went down between her and David, that Vanessa witnessed went down in this very front room.

She smirks. Of course. “Life. Size. Cardboard. Cut. Out.”

It takes a second. Vanessa scrunches up her face in confusion. Then it hits her brain like a bolt. She gasps. It takes Tracy by surprise, but before she can stop herself, the words, the memories start tumbling from her lips. “I brought that cardboard cut out here, for you to vent your anger on…” 

Tracy just nods, she can see Vanessa is far from finished. “… you thought he’d cheated with Priya. But it was actually Leyla…”

The recollections keep dripping into her brain. “…but that wasn’t how it all started…”

Her hand flies up to her mouth, she can feel tears starting to sting her eyeballs. “…Phil.”

Now Tracy is really worried, this has escalated rather quickly, and it doesn’t look like slowing down, she can see the cogs turning in her head. Vanessa’s tears really start dropping down from her eyes now. She takes a sharp intake of breath. “Bails.”

All of a sudden she remembers everything, the real reason her and Charity were fighting the day she shoved her; Tracy working with Bails, Charity turning up at the press conference to give him his money back; the trial; the guilty verdict; what that monster did to Charity when she was a child. Ryan. And everything else in between, the whole sordid affair. It’s too much, her head starts spinning. She can’t stop the sobs and she’s gasping for breath.

She claws at the top button on her shirt, she feels like she’s being strangled. She’s vaguely aware of dropping to her knees, and a Tracy panicked rubbing comforting circles on her back. Then nothing. Darkness.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Charity had received a call from a massively freaked out Tracy. Vanessa had passed out and they were on their way back to the hospital to get her checked over. Charity is furious with Tracy, which at this point in time is really irrational as she has no idea what’s gone on. But she’s more furious with herself, why did she ever let Vanessa out of her sight this soon into her recovery.

Chas had grabbed her keys, telling Charity she was in no fit state to drive, Bob had agreed to extend his shift so both of the Dingle ladies could get to the hospital.

Charity finds herself at the nurses’ station in A & E this time. The nurse is just checking her screen to give Charity an update. This woman clearly doesn’t know that patience is not a virtue that Charity has an abundance of. The way she’s tapping her foot, and blowing out her breath gets the nurse up to speed, but doesn’t make her move any faster!

Luckily for Charity, and the nurse, Tracy appears from a maze of beds and curtains. Charity grabs her immediately. “Please tell me she’s alright.”

Tracy is momentarily taken aback by the level of emotion in Charity’s eyes. “She’s fine.”

The relief actually pours out of the bar maid. She looks at the ground for a second to compose herself, before she looks back up to Tracy, eyes shining with tears. “What happened?”

“She remembered a whole lot in a very short space of time. I don’t think her brain could cope. She passed out.” Tracy explains.

Tracy knows it’s gets worse. She can feel tears burning in her own eyes, but she needs to let Charity know what Vanessa knows. “I don’t really know how it happened, we were just talking about why me and David split up, and before I knew it, she’d remembered that in all its gory detail, which led into her remembering all about Phil and everything that happened there, which ultimately led to her remembering about…”

“Bails.” Charity interrupts.

Tracy just nods, tears falling freely now.

Charity sighs, she was so worried about Vanessa’s dream and her remembering about the stabbing, that her remembering the whole sorry Bails affair was somewhere right in the back of her mind. “How much has she remembered?”

Tracy just shakes her head. “I’m not sure, she didn’t exactly have loads of time to speak before she passed out, and in there…” she gestures towards the beds. “…she was too busy being assessed by the doctors to say anything really.”

Tracy can see that she’s done nothing to calm Charity. She reaches out and touches her sister in law to be’s arm. “Charity, she’s fine. She’s not lost anymore of her memory, and the doctor said she’d be fine to go home tonight. She just needs to take it easy for a few days.”

“No more trying to induce stupid memories then yeah. Just let it come back naturally.” There’s a bite to Charity’s tone, but more than anything it’s laced in emotion. Tracy just nods.

The same doctor that they saw the other day following Vanessa’s initial admission comes bumbling towards them. “Charity, Tracy.” He looks at Chas who recognises from the last time but was never introduced.

“Chas.” She confirms. The doctor just nods.

Charity can’t wait any longer. “Is she alright?”

The doctor gives what he hopes is a reassuring smile. “She’s fine. She just remembered a bit too much all at once, and her brains coping mechanism was to shut down. She’s fine. Just a little overwhelmed.”

Charity nods, and it becomes a little easier to breathe. “Tracy said she can come home tonight.”

“Absolutely.” He nods again, but he can tell his patients fiancée isn’t 100% convinced. “Charity, I know she’s given you a bit of a scare, but I promise you she’s fine. Well as fine as she was before.” He smiles again. “Come on I’ll take you to her, you can sit with her while I sort out the paperwork. I guarantee she will be out of here in the next 20 minutes.”

Charity turns back to Chas and Tracy. Chas speaks. “Go on. We’ll wait here and we can all go home together when she’s ready yeah.”

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Charity pulls the curtain back, and as always the anxiety lifts from her chest at the sight of Vanessa. She looks absolutely fine. Well a little pissed off, but other than that. The vets head whips up as the curtain draws back, she can’t help but smile at the sight of her fiancée but it doesn’t last long when she sees the state of Charity.

“I’m sorry.” She just blurts out the first thing that springs to her mind.

She’s pleased however when it brings laughter to Charity’s lips. “What on earth are you sorry about?”

Charity’s moves to sit in the visitor’s chair by the bed and takes Vanessa’s hand while the vet tries to explain herself. “For worrying you. No offence, but you look worse than I do.”

Charity really laughs this time. “Well I love you, don’t I.”

A brilliant smile appears on Vanessa’s face. “Yeah you do. Stupidly and completely apparently.”

Charity’s head flies up and she feels tears forming for about the 7000th time today. Happy tears this time. “You remembered?”

Vanessa’s also feeling the emotion. “I did.”

Charity frowns. “Tracy told me what else you remembered too.”

Charity’s head drops, embarrassed. Vanessa squeezes her hand. “Hey, Nothing I remembered today, did anything other than make me love you even more than I already do. More than I’ve ever loved anyone. You are so strong Charity.”

Before Vanessa has chance to finish her heartfelt rant, Charity speaks over her. “You love me?”

“Of course, I do.”

“You actually love me. Not just because you think you should. Because it’s what you’ve been told.”

Vanessa shakes her head, no. And pulls Charity’s hand up so it’s covering her heart. “I love you Charity. I’ve known that since that day you first came into my hospital room. I feel it in here.” She pulls their joined hands impossibly closer against her heart. “And slowly but surely, I’m remembering all the reasons why I love you so bloody much.”

Charity swallows the emotion she feels. The lump in her throat means she can’t speak. But she leans forward and places a soft kiss to Vanessa lips. She loves this woman so much. She’s letting herself start to believe that everything is actually going to be alright.

When she pulls back Vanessa is smiling. “Now please, will you take me home?”

Charity nods. Still unable to formulate actually words. She’s so incredibly happy.

XXXXXXXXXXX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All feedback welcome. Always love to hear what you think.
> 
> Find me on twitter at Eden_Ashley_Chr


	7. Chapter 7

I own nothing

They arrived home from the hospital about 30 minutes ago, Chas relieved Bob from bar duties, and Paddy decided to keep her company at the bar. Tracy insisted that she would take Moses and Johnny for the night, and Noah had already arranged a video game evening with Samson up at Wishing Well. So Charity and Vanessa find themselves in very rare territory. They have the living space in the pub all to themselves.

It’s been a stressful few hours. When they got into the living room, they both just collapsed onto the couch, clinging to each other. That’s where they still find themselves now. It’s been an extremely comfortable silence so far. Both consumed with their own thoughts following the revelations or re-revelations of the last few hours.

Vanessa is first to break the silence. “I remember when you told me about Bails.” She feels the bile rising in her throat. “In this room. I can’t believe everything he put you through.”

Charity feels tears forming in her eyes. But she doesn’t speak, she’s not sure she can given the size of the lump in her throat. This seems to spur Vanessa on, she moves position slightly so she’s looking her fiancée in the eyes. She can see they’re glistening with tears.

Vanessa is emphatic. “I am so proud of you.” The tears break free from Charity’s eyes now.

“I cant remember if I tell you that as much as I should. But I am so proud of you, and how strong you were in getting that monster behind bars.”

Charity nods again, and swallows down some of that lump in her throat. “You do tell me enough babe. More than that, you show me.” 

She pulls Vanessa closer. “I wouldn’t have been able to do what I did without you backing me, and believing in me.”

Vanessa argues. “Nonsense, Charity it was all you.”

“You gave me the strength to do it. It was like me and you against the world.” She chuckles. “If I didn’t have you, I really don’t think I would have done it. You remember I took his money to start with?”

Vanessa nods. “I remember you giving him it back too.” They both smirk as they remember the press conference. “I also remember you not being able to let it go, going to Bail’s house and all that. Charity, the thought of him getting away with it, and living a normal life spurred you on, not me.”

“Alright, alright, I’m fabulous. Fine.” Charity smiles. “You remember what we were arguing about when you fell?”

Vanessa nods, grimacing, a s she remembers how she acted. “I’m sorry I tried to push you into doing something you didn’t want to do.”

“Babe don’t be ridiculous. I’m sorry for pushing you full stop.”

“Hey, less of that. You didn’t push me. Charity, I know you’d never hurt me on purpose.”

Charity nods. “If you remember me telling you I love you, you must remember how I acted in the aftermath of the trial.”

Vanessa takes in the sheepish look on her lovers face. “Charity, you dealt with it. Admittedly it was in your own ‘Charity Dingle’ way.” They both grin again.

Vanessa remembers the day Charity finally said those three words, it had been a huge shock. Vanessa knew she was in love at that point, had been for months, but she was terrified of saying the words out loud, terrified of Charity’s reaction. With the whole Bails fiasco she hadn’t wanted to disturb Charity any further emotionally, and she knew that eventually, when she was ready, Charity would let her know. 

She hadn’t been expecting it to be after her fiancée had thrown a full lasagne that she’d been slaving over in the bin. “I remember exactly how I felt when you told me you loved me.”

Charity cant help but reciprocate the wide smile currently on Vanessa’s face. “Yeah?”

The vet nods. “Yeah. Incredibly happy, and just pure relief that you actually felt the same way I did.” She tries to explain herself further. “I mean I knew that you loved me, it was clear from how you acted, but I wasn’t sure if it was just because I was your support through that whole awful episode”

Charity wants to explain that, that really wasn’t the case, but Vanessa continues before she has a chance. “But I knew when you told me, after all that stuff had calmed down, that it was real you know? And I was so relieved, because I knew I was head over heels in love with you, to the point that I’m not sure how I didn’t blurt it out about ten thousand times!”

Charity chuckles. “Head over heels hey?”

Vanessa nods. “Completely.”

Charity settles back down into the couch, and Vanessa lets her head drop onto her shoulder once more. Charity continues with her musings. “I knew ages before then you know. That I loved you I mean.”

She takes a deep breath. “I know you probably cant remember but really early on, I misbehaved like I do, and I really thought you’d had enough. I was so worried that I pissed you off to the point of no return that I actually chased you down the street.”

Charity chuckles and Vanessa grasps at the words, trying to remember. “It wasn’t love at that point, but it was just this overwhelming thought that I couldn’t be without you.”

Vanessa stops wracking her brain for memories, and just listens as Charity continues. “Then a bit later on, before we were official. You went to this gay bar with half the village, and kept sending me these photos, one of them with this other woman. I just felt pure panic, that you were going to meet someone else, and realise that there was someone out there a 100 times better for you than me.”

“Charity.”

She shakes her head. “It was that same feeling of utter dread that I might lose you. I knew then that you were different. That we were different.”

Vanessa is completely enraptured in Charity’s memories now. “So when did you know then? That you loved me I mean.”

Charity smiles. It’s hard to explain when Vanessa hasn’t got all of her memories back. “I thought I did, when you were having some issues at work…”

“What?”

“We’ll let that memory come back on it’s own babe.” Charity smirks. “Anyway, you had some issues, and I just wanted to be there for you, and that has never really happened for me before.”

Vanessa laughs but let's Charity carry on. 

“I hated the thought of you being upset. I think I knew then that at the very least I was falling for you and at most had already fallen.”

“It all sounds very intriguing. I cant wait to get these memories back.”

Charity smiles. “Then you were my rock through all the Bail’s stuff. The only one that was there for me, even above my own family. It just cemented what I already knew. I love you so much Ness.”

“I love you too Charity.”

“You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that babe.”

Charity feels nervous, worried now, like she was at the time, that all the sordid details of what Bails did to her might make Vanessa think of her differently. Vanessa feels her tense. “Is everything alright?”

“It’s just, y’know, with you remembering everything about Bails and all that stuff that happened to me…”

Vanessa looks her in the eyes again, and she can see that Charity is really worried about this. The only thing Vanessa feels is rage. Rage at what that man and his mates did to the woman she loves when she was a child. “Charity, like I’ve already told you, nothing I’ve remembered has done anything other than make me love you more than I already do, more than I ever thought possible.”

“Good.”

“I cant help but notice that Ryan hasn’t been around since my accident. Were you scared he’d bring on the memories?”

“A bit yeah. I didn’t want you to remember all this stuff this quickly if I’m honest.”

She gently slaps her on the arm. “Charity, you shouldn’t be keeping your son away because of me. You’ve already lost enough time with him.”

Charity just smiles, and kisses the top of Vanessa’s head. Even with short term memory loss this brilliant woman’s first thought is still for Charity.

They relax back into a comfortable silence again. It’s not long before Charity feels Vanessa tense slightly in her hold. Clearly the smaller woman has remembered something within all Bails and Phil the handyman stuff that she wants to discuss, and is probably mad about. Charity sighs, probably something else she’ll need to apologise for. She closes her eyes and braces herself, she knows Vanessa will find her voice eventually.

It doesn’t take long before Vanessa starts to speak. “It’s weird how I went from remembering nothing, to remembering the whole Bails thing and every memory associated with it straight away.”

Charity opens her eyes, still not entirely sure which memory Vanessa is about to address. “The swelling must be reducing a lot now babe.”

Vanessa nods, she supposes her fiancée is right. She hopes that means that the rest of her memories form the last 20 months come flooding back sooner rather than later. She wonders how many more will be bad. Bad in the sense of Bails, she assumes at least one more, given the scar on her stomach. But what she really worries about is bad, as in Charity’s behaviour, or her behaviour she supposes. One of the memories that has also come back, attached to the whole sorry Bails affair is Charity dumping her in the beginning of it. 

Vanessa has remembered the whole thing, she knows she was at fault, she shouldn’t have tried to push Charity into reporting Bails, and Charity ending things was completely justified. But she also remembers just how cruel Charity was in how she went about it, she feels her heart clench again at the memory.

She knows Charity is waiting for her to let her in on what’s on her mind. She decides to just come out with it. “You dumped me.”

Charity closes her eyes. She can feel defensiveness prickling up her spine. She exhales, and tries to swallow down her emotions. “I did, justifiably so.”

She braces herself for Vanessa’s reaction, she’s surprised by the lack of one. “No arguments from me. I really am sorry I tried to make you do something you didn’t want to.”

Charity, still a little shocked by her girlfriends reaction. “I know you are babe. You were nothing but a rock of support throughout the whole thing, and afterwards. You know that don’t you?”

Vanessa nods. “You pretended to sleep with someone else.”

Charity’s heart leaps into her throat. That’s what this is about. Vanessa isn’t bringing it up to try and shame Charity, it’s just she remembers how she felt when she thought it was over. Charity nods, but realises that Vanessa nestled into her neck can’t actually see her. She manages to croak out; “Yes.” She feels a tear escape and trickle down her cheek. Shame at how she acted burns onto her cheeks.

Vanessa pulls her head back, and can see how upset Charity is, so she pulls herself up so she’s face to face with her lover again. She swipes at the loose tears that have started to fall from the land lady’s eyes. “Hey, come on. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Charity shakes her head. “You didn't. It's just hard having to think about so many things from the past, that have already been resolved. Especially when it means reliving my terrible behaviour.” She offers Vanessa a watery smile.

Vanessa smiles, and plants a quick kiss to Charity’s lips. “I get why you did it, I knew back then as well, that you were trying to push me away. I just hated that you were so cruel about it.”

Charity swallows down yet another lump in her throat. “Every relationship before you involved, game playing, button pushing, point scoring. I thought that’s how things had to be. I didn’t know any better back then. I was just so angry with you. I wanted you to hurt like I was hurting.”

Vanessa tightens her hold, as Charity continues. “In reality the thought of sleeping with him, or hurting you beyond repair was too scary.” She swallows hard. “You taught me, you know.”

Vanessa just looks at her with a puzzled expression. Charity smiles at how just adorable she looks. “That playing games aren’t part of a real relationship. That it doesn’t have to be hard, it doesn’t need to hurt. I always thought you needed the bad parts to make the good parts real. But with you, it’s just easy, and good, most of the time.” They both smirk. “and I love it. And I love you.”

Vanessa beams. “You know when I woke up in that hospital bed a few days, I never imagined I’d be saying these words. But, you telling me you love me, has to be up there with my favourite things to hear.”

They both laugh. Charity could never in her wildest dreams have hoped that they would have made this much progress in such a short space of time. “Back at you kid. Back at you.”

Vanessa snuggles back down into Charity’s side, absolutely certain that this is where she’s supposed to be.

XXXXXXXXXX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.
> 
> As always, let me know what you think.
> 
> Twitter: Eden_Ashley_Chr

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think.
> 
> Twitter: Eden_Ashley_Chr


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